Ain't that a kick in the teeth!

Hello and how are you? Everytime I write a new blog entry I feel more and more like I might be morphing into Miranda Hart...no bad thing, the woman's a living legend...as am I ;)

Hey, rude!

Previously in my life (okay, now I'm doing it deliberately) the legend began of the mythical SonofaPreacherMan. There'll be a small segment on him later on, although unfortunately it is not the story I wanted to be telling you now, and I still want to change the story now, but this is what we are dealing with. And it is the wrong ending. But I know you are almost as fond of him as I am readers so I felt he needed to be mentioned. More on that later.

Some other interesting things about my last few days first. I went to a very cool farm with the children the other day. It had bison, goats, ostriches and llamas all roaming together. Anyway, on first arriving, a white blonde llama sidled over to me and we had an instant connection. I swear in my head I could here this playing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2gPZRsz0Q. We had the most lovely conversations and she was desperate to lick my face, she kept sidling right up as close as I would let her, but I couldn't quite face a slimey llama kiss. Two rough looking male goats, who were so fat they seemed pregnant, had a massive fight over my affection as well. It was about the most exciting moment of my life so far. Well, certainly the first time two males have been vying for my attention.Ohhhh, my life, who'd have it, eh?

Yesterday, after a gorgeous morning of getting given cuddles at the top of the really cool slide in the nearby playground (seriously, it's a rush to go down that slide!) in the afternoon, we made our way into Basel city centre as I wanted to see where my language course is held, and it was goooorgeous weather! We went down to the shore of the River Rhine for some paddling and there were some very lovely and very frightening things which happened. I had a nice cool beer on the shore, got to dip my feet into what has to be the nicest cleanest river ever, and got to go collecting shells with the children. The one frightening thing: the nearly poo incident. While both parents were absent, the little girl decides she can't hold in her poo anymore. She's screaming 'It's Coming!' in front of crowds of people. I'm shouting 'Hold it in!' and everybody is staring at me like I'm a terrible mother. It's just that she was meant to be doing it discretely in the water to be immediately caught by her dad once they returned so I was waiting for that and I wasn't dressed in my swimsuit so couldn't do it myself. But, my goodness, that was a tense few minutes! Particularly as she was starkers as usual...

After Basel, we went out for dinner at a restaraunt, where I managed to eat a ginormous ham and pineapple pizza alone. Uh oh, I'm a right greedy pig! The children got given these ice creams for dessert in the shape of Pingu's head, I was super jealous!

When we got home late at night, I watched 'The Italian Job' for the first time with the parents from a perch of a car seat, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and drowsing until nearly one in the morning.


 Another funny thing that happened yesterday, just proving that you never know what's going to happen next. The door bell rang. We all went to answer it in mass form. It was a random student from London trying to sell home made cards for an extortionate rate. We all have a nice chat with him, and of course I'm urged to tag along with him and his other friends who he is travelling with. So he is told to write down his email address for me, and I can't help but see an echo of SOTPM (come on, we all know what that stands for!) except I was never able to email number one. I give him a plum while he waits, and we have a nice chat, he seems like a nice guy. He says as a parting comment 'Drop Me An Email'. So I did. He never replied. Hmm...I'm no genius but this seems like another case of boys being absolute liars, to me anyway. It gets a bit annoying!

This morning I decided, after a night's sleep of only four hours, so my decision might have been a bit misjudged, to go to church. THE church. Where THE preacher man preaches. Now, bearing in mind, it's in a different village, it's a long walk, and church started at 9.30. I headed off with my Sunday Best on, two plums to eat on the way, and a plucky can do attitude that was thinking, 'Yes! I'm doing something great and independent! And yes, this is when I'm going to talk to SOTPM and ensure he does want to hang out, because I'm a CATCH!! And also apparently...an IMBECILE!

I arrived at the church a little early, but thought 'Ah well, I made it here, I'll just wander the grave stones and wait for other people to show up!' I saw a lovely grave stone which said 'Der Herr war meine Herte' which means 'The man was my heart' and I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever! Plus, I was in such  close vincinity to his house and this was his church, that I thought 'Surely, I'll get my chance now to chat to SOTPM! But no, nobody showed up. Not one person. Not one soul. I checked my watch at 9.30 and then thought 'What the frig??? Are they all inside?? I ferreted around to each and every door. Not one sound.There was however a sign saying 'No Entry' (I think) and a map directing people towards a random old school house instead. Missing my chance, I hung my head and went home.

If that wasn't a sign that I'm not meant to SOTPM again then I don't know what is! So, there were my grand plans ruined. No nice cosy chat. No friendly greeting. No sighting. All that's left is my ability to stalk him on Facebook and the loss of my plucky can do attitude- so THAT'S why I'm not a natural optimist! 

In the wilderness (literally) of my wild mind (figuratively) I meandered home through corn fields, feeling hot tears of frustration and anger. That's what happens when I try to be independent! Singing 'All By Myself' to the nearby fields of horses is probably not one of the highlights of my life. Neither is getting my hopes up about someone that never really showed an inkling of interest.

Son of a (gun)preacherman

Hello, my dear readers, known and unknown. First and the most foremost in all our minds, I'm sure, is that I got an adaptor! I'd like to apologise for my dramatics the other night as the next day I managed to procure a new charger in the next village over.

The last few days have been jam-packed (literally, they love jam here) and I have recovered a few lovely anecdotes from the recesses of my frankly terrifying mind which I thought I'd share with you.

First off the bat, everybody meet my new sometimes roomate, sometimes jogging companion: she looks like Lassie and acts like Nana from Peter Pan, barking the children into obedience, it's incredible to see her in action!

Now, let me think, anecdote wise. Well, of course, there's the incident for which this blog entry is named...that's probably a very interesting anecdote so we'll leave that to the end for y'all to sink your wee teeth into!

Something I forgot to mention in my first night's arrival, we stopped off at a farm for DRIVE THROUGH MILK!!!! You literally pulled up, filled up this huge milk containers from a machine of freshly milked milk and just paid in your coins. There were signs nearby with all of the cows' actual names included, it was AMAZING!!

In other news, I have now been on my first tram ride. Trams are pretty big over here and they are handy, they're like the snazzy hybrid between trains and buses. Now I have my very own tram pass so I can go go go when I like. Unfortunately, the first time I tried to get on one, with only a five year old for company, we saw a tram approaching and went to push the button to get on. Unfortunately a really haggish woman on a zimmer frame was getting off so we stepped aside. She then proceeded to shout at me in German. I smiled blankly and proceeded to push the button, only for her to yell again. Then she turned to the poor little five year old and said 'Does she not speak the language?' He was like 'No, she speaks English' and I was thinking 'Give me a chance, ya old hag, I'm trying to learn it!' then she proceeded to tell me what the problem was, apparently we weren't allowed on that one...who knew!

I had a truly magnifying moment, which I think has drawn the path for a new stage in my journey of womanhood...I sound like a queeratron... I heard the dreaded words after a 3 year old went to the toilet, 'I'm Fiiiiinished!' This being the first time I'd been alone in the house with them, I froze at the dishwasher. Uh-oh, time to face up to this. Luckily, circling through my head was the amazing song 'I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!' and I felt like I really earned my stripes when I managed to get through the whole butt wiping thing without so much as a flinch...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg I was thinking by the end 'I am strong STRONG, I am invincible INVINCIBLE, I am WOMAN!

Oh yeah, I've been making a lot of indoor tents these days. Every morning I hear 'Today we make another tent?' The words were filling me with dread but I had a really nice time in our tent this morning so pegging all the quilts, towels and broom handles together ended up being all right. There's something to be said for the simple pleasure of cuddling a child in an indoor tent. Bliss. We also had story time in the tent, a three time rendition of 'The Princess and the Pea' because the pea part proved popular. After the story, I proved the rumours once and for all correct: I am in fact a real princess. I lay on lego and it dug right into my back, I was informed by the children in an awed whisper 'You arrrre a princess'. You betcha I am! I've only been waiting 21 years to hear those words! It was nice for a change that their arguments were only who got to lie on top of me and cuddle closest- either way I was a winner!

Another little game we were playing today was having smoke breaks all the time using the long lego pieces as fake cigarettes. It was really fun, particularly after a hard morning of getting towed around on a toy tractor by a child in a toy BMW...one point I will make, wearing a skirt on a toy tractor is NOT a good idea! There's no ladylike ways to fit longer legs! Even of a practical midget like me. Jokes...I'm not really per say a midget...I hope...

Anyway, the crux of this blog title was the hilarious little incident that I roped myself into. Last night at dinner, I'd been having lots of laughs with the mother and father here, plus some wacky Alsation region wine- stroooong stuff- so I was in a good mood. We all were. Plus, we were eating raspberries- practically heroine for me... so, he was talking about having to leave back a car he'd fixed to the priest in the next village who had married them and christened the children. He happened to mention a son of the priest and I was suddenly possessed by Dusty Springfield and sung out 'Was the son of a preacher man!' like an IMBECILE! Anyway, it came to pass that he was like 'Ohh, he's a very attractive boy, about your age' and a plan was formulated that I would just happen to be with him for the car delivery, as preacher's son was home alone. So, today, trying to look decent after a day of jam, paint and food debris being rubbed on me, but also having to dress for our long walk home from the next village afterwards, I went out in trainers and shorts like Sporty Spice.

He was lovely. Imagine someone tall and tanned and looking like he's just stepped off a snowboard...and add a really nice smile. Why??

I was a little bit mortified to be there but he was really friendly! It was said of me, as he firmly shook my hand (shame they're not cheek kissers here...), 'She's new here and from Ireland'. I wondered if maybe I should whip out a guinness or do a leprachaun jig or something to prove the point. I was hoping against hope that he might have wanted to hang out with me because it is a bit strange to hang around with toddlers constantly. I said in my most winning way (if I have one) 'You're the only person my age I've met here' and the dad, who tried his best to talk about me said 'She needs someone to show her around Basel' It was such an obvious invitation that I almost thought I'd have to wink at him just to finish the invite. Anyway, he smiled politely. It must have been a no.

Talking about it later, the dad was like 'Well, he didn't say no, did he?' and the mum said 'Guess we're going to church on Sunday so you can see him again.' Oh, my life, who'd have it, eh? Still, I wouldn't say no to him...