Cheesus, it's Christmas!

I just thought I'd update the blog to let you all know, I'm back home for Christmas and everything is fine. Last time we talked, I was worrying about getting home with my huge bags. Turns out my biggest concerns should have been staying upright on a bendy bus and not being able to check in because I was there British time rather than regular people- i.e. ridiculously early.

I am so happy to be here safely with all my family and it is equally weird and normal to be back in my old bedroom with my bags unpacked. Bliss!

It's been an eventful few days so far. I stopped over in Manchester for a reunion with my dear pals from Uni. We had a whale of a time, with much chat, eating, messing around in tiny bathrooms and accidentally taking elevators too far and ending up in restaraunts to the tell tale sound of cutlery clinking. It was so lovely to see them all and to know that despite the last 6 months apart, we were able to pick up right where we left off without a change in dynamics at all. I hope that even when we're sixty, things will remain just the same.


Since arriving home, there's been a fair amount of in jokes and drama with my sister. We've gone through many topics: to name a few- double-sliced flatulation, groping overweight Indian men, mail order brides, impersonating Vernon and Tess in our best Bolton accents. While watching the SCD final, we were wondering what Bruce Forsythe had written on his cards...as he appeared to be talking nonsense. And also appeared to be a complete nutter when he was shouting 'Look! Look!' every single time there was a standing ovation...which was every dance in the final...and there were 10 dances...
You know it's been a good reunion when you've found yourself struggling to swallow every beverage you've tried to drink, because something makes you laugh every time you take a sip.

Ooh, now I have Brad Paisley stuck in my head...should never have said the word sip! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm6dqMsZCrc

Today is Christmas Eve...and you know it's been an eventful and festive Christmas Eve when the highlight of your day has been going with your dad and sister into the next town just to watch him buy rat poison and get a wee spin in the car. Such fun!

So, just thought I'd wish all (hahahahaha...there's so many...) of you readers a very merry Christmas. Keep out of trouble. I know I won't...ooh cheeky! We shall meet again very soon I am sure :)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

(Listen to that Brad Paisley song...such good memories with this one)

More Than Chocolate and Cheese?

Today has been one of those days when strangers just need to talk to me. And, you guessed it, it's on and around trams once more. I could direct you here to my previous blog entry a few months ago entitled 'Freaks on a Tram', but they were pretty alright ones today, not quite as creepy as the hand toucher or the telephone impersonator.

It all started when I was waiting with a bin bag of my clothes (to put in a charity drop off bin, I might add. I'm not really in the habit of walking around with my clothes in bin bags just to let them see the sights.) at a tram stop in Claraplatz. A man of some ethnicity came and sat down at the seat right next to me, that was- in leymen's terms- close enough to assist with back scratching. Gross. There's not many people I appreciate sitting that close to me. He started pretty casually. Here's our dialogue.
Him: Hoi
Me:...
Him: Es ist kalt, ja?
Me:...Ja.
Him: *insert German here* (I didn't understand)
Me:....*awkward smile.*
I proceed to rummage in my bag so I don't have to keep talking. I bring out my rather ratty looking Samsung and start playing scrabble.
Him: Nett Handy (Nice phone) Wie viel kostet das? (How much did it cost?) *makes a gesture insinuating richness*
Me: Es war nicht so viel (It was not so much)
Him: Bist du allein? (Are you alone)
Me:.....
Him: *insert German here*
Me:.....
He then proceeds to walk off and stand at other side of the tram stop. Times like this, wish I walked around with a ventriloquist dummy. No man would try to pick me up then. I mean, seriously?? I was literally wearing my hair in plaits, no make up, and a distinctly unappealing outfit as I've already packed away all my clothes.

The second situation which I found myself in was a bit less scary. I was on a different tram after dropping off my clothes and, anticipating that there would be numerous elderly searching for a seat and not being bothered with standing up once seated, I was preemptively standing for most of the journey. Eventually it had emptied out so I sat down next to a middle to older woman. I was singing along to 'Baby It's Cold Outside' in my head, while my Ipod piped Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey into my ears when she started talking to me in rapid German. Here's our dialogue:
Her: *rapid German*
Me:.... Ich verstande nicht. Sprechen sie Englisch?
Her: Yes. I was saying you look just like somebody I knew.
Me: Oh really? Thanks!
Her: With the hair like that...and the hair colour, and the way your face is
Me: Thank you?
Her: It is somebody I like very much
Me: Oh, at least it is not someone you hate.

She proceeds to discover where I am from, if I am living in Switzerland etc, and then hands me a CD rom from her handbag which is entitled More Than Chocolate and Cheese and says, you can learn more about Switzerland on this.
Upon later inspection: it features a 40 minute documentary about Jesus. I have been...Jehovah Witnessed. I wonder if I looked like another Jehovah's Witness...there's a worrying thought.

In other news, I finished my final day of this job here on Wednesday and it feels really weird to be through with it all. It hasn't really sunk in yet that I will never be returning there. I also have paid all my bills at last, with some very generous loaning from family and friends. And I have de registered as a resident so for this last week, if anybody official asks me,  I am meant to be saying 'I'm just a tourist.' Maybe I will wear a tie-dye t-shirt, and a camera strung around my neck and get in the way of trams by trying to take the perfect Munsterplatz shot. That would be fun.

I have had an action packed few days since I last wrote and there have been a couple of highlights. First of all, on Wednesday I procured a free 50fr voucher to spend in Mr Pickwicks. I won it on the radio...such a cool prize. It was a fair contest...after all, we all know I don't work on the radio at all. Ever. Anyway, after some pleasant afternoon shopping to celebrate my freedom with my friend Sarah, we went into the pub to have some delicious, and familiar food. I found myself uttering 'Bliss' in a way that would make my mum proud when I was sitting in front of a fireplace, with a huge Union Jack hung up behind me, feasting on Bangers and Mash and Magners Cider. Heavenly.

I also met up with my friend Oonagh yesterday morning to say goodbye. We had a lovely trip to Starbucks and, like Muslims to Mecca, we flocked into the warmth of H+M once more. If ever I could've married a shop, it would 'ave been H+M, Mr Frodo, it would 'ave been H+M. Well, hello Samwise possession...


Last weekend I got to go to one of the places I've wanted to go to since arriving in Switzerland. I went to Luzern. And it was so beautiful with all the gorgeous lights, and snow, and all the many bridges you could cross. Sitting in the pub was also gorgeous. With a big plate of nachos and a warm, well lit, laughter filled pub and some excellent company. It was a lovely day. It's a shame I didn't get to go on more trips to more cities. But I'm glad Luzern has been checked off my list.

My current problems: how can I accurately tell if my suitcases weigh less than 20kg if I do not have access to any working scales?? I've been lifting bags comparatively like a pretty crap body builder, trying to figure out whether it's heavier than other times in my life when my bag was over weight. And honestly, I think my bags are alright. But then next Wednesday I will get charged with 200 extra francs for having a bag that literally weighs 500kg. Could happen.

Also, is it pretty sad to spend my birthday alone, slipping on slushie ice and trying to cart three massively heavy bags alone on two trams and a bus to the airport?? I'm thinking it's pretty tragic. And difficult. Will I survive it? Time will tell.

An illegal immigrant koala from Brisbane

Hello, and how are you?

Amidst my mass hysteria and extremely busy days of basic unemployment- yesterday I stood in a shop aisle for upwards of three minutes, trying to decide which coffee to buy. On the one hand, I could be a jar of instant, but it is ridiculously expensive here...seriously...and I would most likely poison my veins trying to complete a whole jar in two weeks. On the other hand I could buy a box of sachets. Not the strongest caffeine fix but will definitely get them finished, they are delightfully foamy, and the one I decided on featured a fine ass chocolate companion, amidst the foam of cappucino- I have managed to find a moment to write up my latest blog entry. As I'm sure you all can barely contain your excitement.

I have recently been delighted to discover that country music is finally getting some exposure in the U.K. Only small right now, but there's a definite community arising and there is the first ever country music festival happening in the 02 arena this March. I want more than almost anything to go to what will surely be a milestone of development, but I can woefully ill-afford the weekend pass, even though it isn't over-priced. I'm so fed up of being unemployed, I really am. Ripe time for this old bird to get a job. Tickets go on sale in two days...and I'm yet to come up with a solution as to how I can possibly afford to go...when I literally have less than the cost of a ticket in my bank account :(

Also, apparently Easy Jet are very mean people. They won't let me cancel my flights back to Switzerland after Christmas so I thought I'd change the flights to a different date. Although there is no difference in flight cost, they want to charge me an extra 35 pounds PER FLIGHT to change it...it would literally be as cheap for me to buy new flights. I just want a refund! <:( Wish they didn't have this policy.

In other news, I have had a lovely week since my last entry. I've been away visiting my special someone ;) in St. Gallen for like three full days. And what a marvellous adventure has been had. First of all, there was loads of snow. How absolutely glorious. It seems to be refusing to snow in  Basel so it was an absolute treat to be able to frolick in the snow. I stood waiting for a bus outside at one point, just letting the snow flakes fall down on me like the happiest little freak in the world, a fresh Cappucino in my system, a smile on my face and a dream in my heart... *barf* sorry, had to add that last part when I sounded so gushy. It was an accident, I promise!

It was a great weekend for many reasons, not many more so than the fact that we made two new friends this weekend. There we were, watching a little bit of CBBC on a Sunday morning when a very wonderful thing happened.

Along came a little show called 'Bear Behaving Badly' and two little guys called Nev- who some of you might recognise from a little show called Smile- and...wait for it....Krazy Keith. I don't know if you're aware, but Krazy Keith is, and I quote "An illegal immigrant koala bear from Brisbane, Australia" I hope that has whet your appetite. If not, I might add he has an inanimate bunny girlfriend who he has NUMEROUS conversations with. Oh yes.... television just got real.

The real love affair in our lives began, and there hasn't been a conversation since which has not contained at least one reference to either Keith, Nev, or Keith's STUNNING quote "Streuth! You're one sausage short of a Barby!" Oh how the laughs were had.

I also fulfilled one of my childhood dreams...and I must add here an apology to feminists everywhere, you might want to look away... I got to pretend to be a housewife. Like a cool one, from the 50s. I tidied his house, made dinner, put on some scenic country music and welcomed him home from work with a smile and a hug.

And then we watched Pointless. The ultimate ending to any dream. Well, Alexander and Richard are an amazing team, after all. I don't mean to boast (well actually, that's technically a lie) but I was totally scoring some pretty low scores on the show...in the very near place to being pointless ;)

In other news, we went to see Cloud Atlas in the cinema as well. A much anticipated viewing and one of the best things about living here. Because poor old U.K isn't getting this film until March for some reason. It's kind of ridiculous really, that the film has been dubbed and translated into every language and shown to pretty much every other country by now, but it can't be shown in English. In the original English speaking country... seems a bit weird. Especially as I watched the film in English...in rural Switzerland.


Mind blowingly excellent, confusing and downright bizarre, it's a film I'm not going to forget for a while. The actors' numerous roles and disguises were just...amazing. The sheer vastness and depth of their transformations are something I never could have imagined possible, and what an amazing project it must have been to be a part of it. A stellar decision on the film maker's part to cast big names for every major and minor role. Beautiful.

The days are racing away with me lately, and I know it probably seems like the longest and most pointless countdown you've ever encountered- as I keep mentioning it in every blog- but it is literally only two weeks now until I am at the airport. A fortnight. Fourteen days. This doesn't seem like too much time left. And I'm running out of days here to say goodbye to people, or have last days of fun or try and get my head around the fact that when I leave, I might have to leave as someone who is alone, or forgotten about. Truthfully, there are only about five people who actually want to say goodbye to me. And I'm struggling to figure out whether I should bother having a 'leaving do' or just say goodbye to these few on their own and use my time with goodbyes to the only few people who might actually think of me occasionally after I leave.Why waste my time if I'm only a passing thought in a busy mind? I'm sure the five people here know who they are, and I'm pretty sure I've already been in discussions with all five about what we're gonna do for my last few days here. I hope I am still in touch with them all and that we can meet up other times in our homelands, or if I come back for visits.

What an amazing period of my life this has been, though. If I think back to the place where this blog started out, it's fascinating to track my progress here, and how completely things started to turn around. I was reading my bucket list that I wrote back in August, if some of you were reading back then, and this is shocking news but:
I fulfilled everything on the list.
Everything.

And I know it was only a mini one, for the months until I turned 22, but I did it. I did it all. I became it all. I made it all happen. And I did it all before I reached my birthday. I can't believe it.

So, even if those wacky Mayans are right...although as the wonderful Brad Paisley has tweeted:  "Using the Mayan calendar to say the world is going to end can't be right.The Mayan Swimsuit Calendar has a Miss January." But even if they are right, I'm pretty okay with what I've conquered in the last few months, and how far I've come, and how much I have matured and grown up in so many different ways...and it's given me a pretty laissez-faire attitude to life the last few weeks, as a few lucky people can attest to, of thinking "Well, if the world is going to end, I may as well do what I want to do, and not be scared of anything anymore" and that's a pretty empowering way to think. I guess that's why lots of people preach 'Live like it's your last day on Earth'. True that. Has anybody else been thinking like this lately? If so, I'd love to know I'm not alone in these wackadoodle thoughts.