T, G or U: It's always the way

Once upon a time there was a lonely girl. People told her she would not be so lonely if she found somebody. But she did not want just anybody. She wanted to marry a real gentleman. She searched high and low but could not find him. She saw people who were male. She saw people who claimed to be gentlemen. But they were not real gentlemen.

One night, there was a terrible rain storm. There was a knock on the door. A man stood there who did not say 'I am a gentleman' but the lonely girl liked him anyway. He was very wet from the rain. She said he could stay in her conveniently located house. Having read a rather good story, she searched her house for a hard, dry pea. She placed it under his bed. In the morning she asked, 'How did you sleep?' and he replied 'Terribly. There was something strange in my bed.' And she replied 'Ooh sorry, I got lonely and wanted some company.' And he replied 'Okay, there was also a hard object in my bed.'
She declared, 'You ARE a real gentleman. Only a true gentleman would not have said something nasty about my incessant need for company! Will you be mine?' And he replied, 'Sorry, I have a girlfriend./Sorry, I'm gay./ Sorry, I'm not interested.' So the girl was lonely for ever more.

Jingos, I'm talented!

As you can tell from my story, the subject matter of today's blog is my sheer disbelief as to how I could encounter such an extreme proportion of these three categories in my 21 short years. My friend Hannah coined a wonderful phrase when we were at uni 'Taken or gay, it's always the way.' and I think this is very true. And I think the rather unspoken category, judging by my track record, is that of uninterested. Sometimes I get so sick of always being the one who has to pursue people, only to discover they just aren't that interested. The worst part is when they make you think they are interested in really obvious ways but then can completely change their mind the next time you speak. Why??

So, there I was, two days ago, thinking I'd met not one but two nice guys and that I was finally beginning to settle in here. But alas, within two days I realised one is completely uninterested and the other one has a girlfriend. Sweet niblets!!

Anyway, this has been a bit of a rantasaurus, and I'm sorry if you don't enjoy the change from the normal blog format, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

Shall I give you an update of the highlights of the last two days. Well, let's go backwards. Today it was absolutely crapping it down outside, so the whole day has been spent getting wet and wearing waterproofs. On the plus side, think I'm doing a bit better with the kiddies these days. This afternoon, the three of us tried to go to zoo because the family have unlimited tickets because...wait for it, they own shares of the zoo. I thought that was pretty cool, until I opened the zoo brochure upon arrival and seen that one of the animal sections is literally named after them. Jeeeeepers!!! Unfortunately, it was too rainy even for us so after about half an hour of legging it between indoor enclosures, we had to call it quits. Luckily, got to see penguins, hippos and even eat our snack with the kangaroos...and there was a little joey there! Awwww! It was the closest I've been to anything Australian in a while- I want to go so baaaaad!!!

Have you ever tried controlling two mischievous under 6s on a tram before?? It's not too easy...that's all I'll say! I was glad to get home, that's for sure!

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had here yet, close to Sunday's standard. As I was off after lunch, I decided to try and meet up with Sam to catch the tram together into the city before our classes. So, after a pleasant journey, we arranged to meet up for dinner in Paddys after lessons. Class was great as usual, I really love going and learning! As his class finished an hour after mine, I went on to the pub on my own and had my usual Magners- got really close to ordering 'the usual' off Craig who served me and had a nice chat as usual. There was also a gorgeous new bar man working so I had to get chatting to him too- you know what I'm like! He was 22 and called Finnton and was lovely too, but I could tell the barmen didn't really want to talk to me as they were very busy and I know they were thinking I was just a complete loner!

So, needless to say, I was very relieved to see Sam arrive. I actually made sure to say to Craig 'See? Look! I do have a friend.' and he said 'Never doubted it for a minute!' Haha, oh the banter! So we ate some massive chicken burgers and chips and had a lovely time. I taught him some Irish/English slang which I wrote down for him to memorise in his notebook. The whole evening he was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors. He let me go first. If I dropped something, he picked it up. He even insisted on paying for my dinner. Everything screamed date except for his lack of single status. Very strange indeed. He even gave me a lift home in his car after the tram, rushed around to open my door for me and all, and we sat outside the house singing with the radio and generally being strange dorks. It was a lovely late evening and I know I at least have a friend now.

Still, what is it with me and people giving me cryptic mixed signals?? I must give off some weird sort of vibe or something...

At the minute I have no weekend plans...bit awkward :s

Mr Uninterested doesn't even need to be covered in the blog. He wouldn't be bothered to be interested anyway. Shame...

With the risk of sounding dweeb-y...

This is gonna sound really weird but I think I've finally arrived in Switzerland. Or at least fully engaged with the nuances of my life here. I've just had one of those days today where I everything just went well. I just feel so unbelievably happy as I am getting ready for bed time now and I just feel like for once my life isn't that tragic, sort of comical song that people listen to bittersweetly but I might actually be one of those really fun, comical songs that has people dancing and smiling. How?? The success of Sunday has just transformed me into a caricature of my previous person- I'm just so happy and confident and self-assured now. Plus, I've totally fulfilled over half of my bucket list already!!!

 Next point to conquer:
Go on at least one date.
Any takers??
There's not, is there??
Maybe next month...

So let's see, why do I feel so blooming chuffed?

Monday morning started like any other, except I didn't sleep hardly at all and was therefore exhausted. I took the little boy to Kindergarten as usual, and, as with any of my trips there, the little gang of 5 year old girls were staring at me in what seems like awe and like to greet me shyly- SO CUTEE!!! I also got inducted into the secret society of mothers. I walked through the houses with a group of five, although only two of them actually talk to me. It was really funny. Felt a bit like the mafia, as we walked in a line down the streets of the suburb.

In the afternoon, I went into the forest with the kiddies for a teddy bear's picnic. I had regretfully gotten them obsessed with grass cutting monsters, or 'shy leaf-rustlers' as I was calling them, and they were constantly vigilant for the next attack. I had to physically hold a tree in place, when the little boy tried to uproot it to build a tent. I just said: Murdering isn't cool. He didn't really understand. I tried to buy some orange juice from the tree stump shop with the little girl: as usual she was sold out of anything I asked for. Gutted.

Today an old nemesis returned to the little girl's life. The crazy sheep hand puppet. For some reason, I take utmost pleasure in giving it an evil alter-ego that likes to maa like a lunatic and attack her basically. She's clearly terrified and equally angry. It really makes me laugh. At the minute, she's hidden it away in her jumper in the clothes basket so I'm just waiting for my next opportunity to re-connect him to my hand. Am I a good nanny?? Nanny McPhee doesn't approve. Her buck tooth almost fell out of her mouth with derision.

As I headed into town for my class tonight, I was pleased with having a mostly good (which therefore means perfect) day with the little girl. I think I'm finally getting a bit more established in the daily routine and a bit more accepted. It feels good. Like I can really do this job. I also really thoroughly cleaned the house and there wasn't a complaint about it which means I must have done it all perfectly!

In class I was able to keep up fine and keep at the top end of class- need to work ahead to make sure I retain my swotty reputation though...I'm so annoying!

After work, I went to Paddy Reilly's for a Magners, which is quickly becoming my fast routine (well, until the offer runs out in a few days) as I didn't want to rush home on the tram (and plus, I was hoping to run into the nice boy I talked to last week on the tram so needed to get a later one). I had a lovely chat with Craig the bar tender as usual, he's such a lovely guy. I said 'I know, I know, I'm drinking alone again...I promise I was with a big group the other day.' He remembered that I was going to the Irish club and asked how it went, seemed really pleased to see me back, and said 'I can't imagine you're ever normally drinking alone' Aww! I also befriended another bar man, and we had a bit of a private joke about him secretly singing as he was stocking the glasses out of sight of most people but me. As I left the bar, they were standing together and I said 'See you later guys, I'm out of here' and they chorused a lovely message of goodwill to me. Lovely way to leave the bar so familiarly. :) It does however have the connotations that I have become a regular... alcho alert...

I went and got the tram and who should come and sit next to me straight away?? My lovely Swiss friend, Sam! I couldn't believe he'd found me on the tram just to sit next to. I must be irresistible...jokes!! Anyway, we had another lovely chat, and I told him some of my more embarassing tales and he said 'It must be really difficult to be a young attractive girl alone in a new place' (I didn't even embellish that in the slightest!!) I had to laugh at that. He also offered himself as my unofficial tour guide so now we've done a number exchange, he's (hopefully) going to contact me with a fun plan. :D

On top of all this, there's potentially some imminent trips with some of the Irish crew...but I'm not saying more because I don't want to get my hopes up too much!

So, not bad work for your awkward friend, is it?? I'm evidence to you all: It's possible for even the most socially awkward freak-a-deak to manage to form some semblance of a social life in a completely new country. Don't give up hope yet, we can DO this!! Euggh, could that have sounded more like a greetings card? I'd like to apologise...

So, yeah, I'm really pleased to be doing better now, but don't give up hope, I'll probably completely ruin all of these new friendships soon through some collossal embarassing faux pas that'll have everybody talking for months on end and then you'll all be happy! :)

The luck of the Irish?

Well, I'm sorry to say, the same thing has happened again- my Sunday entry appears to only be being published on a Monday- I am terrible! Let's just say, I'll post up whenever I get time. I don't want you all to get your hopes up and then have them dashed when there's nothing for you to read!

To be fair, though, I have a really good excuse for not writing last night. I spent literally 11.30 to 11.30 with the Basel Irish Club yesterday because, when we do BBQs they are whole day things. I can't even begin to tell you how unbelievably glad I was to go to the event, because I had been worrying a fair bit about it and for a while it looked like I might have not gone. Talk about the luck of the Irish...they got my company...ooooh, I'm terrible!!

More of the Amazeballs Sunday in a smidge...but first, as with the best of aything, there has to be worse moments, doesn't there? These weekend has been a bit of a sandwich situation. Friday was great, Saturday a bit crap, Sunday brilliant. Because everybody loves that second piece of bread, right? ;)
Friday, I went into town with a friend. We did some Zentastic shopping and bought matching Zen-looking t-shirts for 3 francs in Chicories- a bit like a friendship bracelet, we'll always be Zen buddies when we wear those tops! Next we went to dinner at Mister Wong's chinese buffet sort of thing. It was weird, because the Chinese restaurant I always got food from at uni was also Mr Wong- ahh memories! Mostly of eating huge plates of food and watching reality tv...

Having a teddy bear's picnic in the forest

Unfortunately there was a wee tad of misunderstanding with me and the women cooking the food. I ordered two chicken satays as I was getting food for two of us. She misunderstood and just brought me two miniscule kebabs. I just looked at her and thought 'What? Do I really look like the sort of person who would only eat two kebabs?? I'm blatantly a big eater...LOOK AT ME!' Anyway, she slags me off to the other workers and they all have a good laugh and I'm just thinking 'I just want some satay, without the side order of snark thanks!' Later on, I tried to go to the bathroom. You needed a password to get in. As if I'd ask the bitchy workers! Luckily another girl came and unlocked it. Phew!

The view from the BBQ

There were some weird sights to be seen from our perch outside the restaurant. A gang of upwards of 20 men in lime green mankinis, stormed past us, singing loudly and vulgarly. 
A man walked past, wearing a knee length kilt and a t-shirt saying 'Pure F*ing Meth'...alright. Advertising your drug preferences. Smaaaart.

On Saturday, the out of date Tuna filling of my weekend sandwich, saw me deciding to be brave, mostly because it's on my bucket list, and going to Paddy's alone, because I wanted to watch some rugby. I showed up, Craig the bartender remembered me, which was (I think) flattering. He put on the rugby for me on a separate screen from the football, but of course, the only tables in the rugby area were big four seater upwards tables. So there I perched, completely alone, sipping a Magners, the only person watching the match. I tried despondently to get some conversation from the waiter. He didn't buy it! And then, just because things were bad enough, a couple came and joined me at their table for a date. There we were, the three of us enjoying some awkward date small talk, the man talked to me about rugby. I was trapped in from leaving in every direction. They were directly in my line of vision for watching the match so it always looked like I was staring at them, even if I was just checking out a particularly fine Springbok in action. All I could think was 'My life is a George Michael music video. Great.'

Luckily, the Sunday horizon was bright and clear and at 11.30, I was illegally dropped off at the BBQ site, my driver having to pretend someone had collapsed and needed picked up quickly in the car. Crazy lady! I was the first one there, and was responsible for that whopping big fire that cooked everyone's meat. Not that I told anyone that. Who likes a girl who can build fires? Nobody! Unless they're very cold.

The BBQ site before everybody else arrived

It was all worth it. I had the best time. I didn't want the day to end. And it didn't. For 12 hours. I met such a great variety of people of all ages and interests and I flitted from one group to the other and had easy chat with everybody. I can't believe how lucky I felt to get to meet such lovely people. And to be able to talk as broadly and slang-ily as I wanted. Knowing nobody would say 'What was that?' They all knew! Plus, I couldn't believe that my pronunciation of my home county would have provided such fascination and delight with the rest all day. A group of us went on to Paddy's from the BBQ to continue the good craic we were having and the craic really did continue on. Of course, by the evening, it was just men and me left. As all the women were wives and mothers and therefore had to look after the children. Although I was the youngest of the group by quite a margin, I still hope I've made some really good friends who genuinely want to keep in touch with me. Maybe. You never can tell when people are all talk though. A lesson I'm quickly learning.

The best part of the day? I have so many favourite parts...

Instead, I'll tell you the worst bit. Not being able to get a tram home. Getting a bus that dropped me in the middle of nowhere in pitch black nighttime. Finding my way home was a wee bit tricky. But I did it.

I'd love to have done Sunday all over again another time. Not to change anything. Just because it was so nice to feel included and liked. And I'd like to feel that again soon.

P.s. I managed to pee in the forest...in literal nature...for the first time in my life...and I feel liberated!!

Time- travelling children?

Hey guys, it's Friday and you know what that means...I didn't have time to post a new blog entry last night! Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! I'm sure you were all exceedingly devastated to miss out on the insane ramblings of a quasi- psychopath...I'm not one. Yet. Although I am at prime age to develop mental illness- woohoo!

Anyway, that's neither here nor there for me to say so let's just ignore this little sidebar. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm literally a retard. In other news, I caught myself earlier on singing 'Favourite Things' while walking down the pavement in matching rain coats with a little child and thought, 'Come on Christine, don't do this! You're not this person. You're not THAT nanny.' But I am. Actually...I'm probably more like this nanny...

There's a few top headlines to catch you up on. I'm currently sitting in my room, listening to the Dixie Chicks to try and calm myself, because there is a MOLE in this house!!! And I don't mean a secret agent spy that we didn't know about but I have always had my suspicions about and has finally revealed themselves as who they truly are. Nope, a literal mole! There we were, calmly eating the DELICIOUS lunch I'd lovingly prepared and the cat suddenly appears through her cat flap and just POPS a mole out of her mouth. Live. And lets it run off. Then she does the cat equivalent of a shrug and has since been sleeping upstairs. I of course leaped onto my chair in fright and have since decided to keep my bedroom door firmly closed. It's still there somewhere. Why?? I just know it's going to wait until it's me alone in the room and then it'll appear. Creeped. Out. A part of me just has to say 'A MOLE??' Why in the blazes would she not just catch a mouse like a normal cat??

In other news, I've come across this little girl in Kindergarten who literally looks like the 5 year old version of me. She even has the same hair as me. We always smile at each other while I'm waiting there and I just know that she senses we're the same person too. I'd even hesitate to guess that maybe I am actually a time traveller and it's going to morph into a time traveller's wife style situation and there'll be lots of different aged Christines' just popping up all over the place.

Here I am, working hard (or hardly working) on a see saw

 There have been some highs and lows the last few days, but I've been able to survive because it has been so lovely having Rachael (the first au pair) here because when things get to much in the house, we've gone out for drinks in town or just gotten away for a chat.

One of the highlights of my time here so far has to be just the sheer normality of last night. We had a lovely dinner and a nice beer, put on Sex and the City 2 and just had a laugh in general. Plus there was a crazy scary beautiful thunder and lightning storm last night so we stood outside and watched it happening. It was really nice to feel like I finally have a friend here who I could talk to and who listened to me and that I could really laugh with. Shame she's gone again  now!

Creepy man not included with drink

On one of our trips, we went to the Irish pub in the city because I was desperate to see it and it was such a blissful time because all the staff were literally Irish so I could just say what I liked to them and be understood. I had a lovely big plate of chicken goujons and chips as well and a Magners and just had to sigh with delight. While I let myself get lost inside and listen to the sports channel playing in English, I went to ask the barman where the toilets were and ended up having a nice chat with Craig and it was so lovely to hear a familiar accent! Plus, in the toilets, there was a communal sink and mirror area for the men and women- which I thought was a very social and interesting arrangement.I liked it...I think...

So, it's been a nice few days seeing Rachael and at the minute I've been given a very lengthy break because the Aunt who is watching the children is very nice and generous. So here I am. All of me. Take me as I am. Sorry, it felt like a song there. Off from tomorrow, hopefully going to a BBQ with the Irish Club on Sunday so that'll be fun and I was hoping to be meeting up with a new friend for a drink tomorrow but no word recently, shame!

Who knows, Sunday's entry could either be very interesting. Or not.

And then he said, maybe we'll see each other again

Hey readers! Here we are again, on what has now become a pretty regular posting pattern here: Tuesday night, Thursday night and Sunday at some point. There's nothing wrong with a bit of routine, right? I know I'm a sucker for it ;) Forget sweet talk, give me a man with a strict schedule and I'm his...haha jokes! Men with schedules never approach me (more's the pity) unless it's the doctor coming to tell me it's time to take my next batch of pills and to stop eating the glue...jokes, I'm not in a literal mental institution yet!

So, since my return from the STUNNING weekend retreat, I've come into this week with a renewed sense of joie de vivre or vigour or something. You see, I wrote my bucket list on Sunday. Not a life long bucket list though, just what I want to have achieved by the time I turn 22 in 4 months (buy me a present, yeah? ;) ) and, let's just say this, it's a list pathetic enough to make an angel weep. Can they weep? Interesting... Just to WHET your appetite, pals, here's a few points on the list.

*Meet as many people as possible
*Go on a date
*Allow yourself more you time
*Learn to love job
*Get really good at German (and use it in practice)

Now, I can't say I've fulfilled all 16 points straight of the bat, because that would be RIDICULOUS! However, I really think upon reflection tonight that I've really made some headway on some of the points. And I should be good at making headway as I have a huge head (and ego...hey, who said that?!) Saddo right here, talking to myself...I'm like one of those creepy men with ventriloquist puppets- why?? No wonder I can't make any friends!

Now, in case you're wondering why Angelina Jolie is perched on the side of my blog- bit rude of her- it's for the hilarious thing that happened during play time yesterday. There I was, cuddling my child the horse teddy and we were lying in bed having a sleep, then some grubby little hands came along, nicked my CHILD and left me her child, a kangaroo! I just remember thinking, 'Isn't this the exact plot of The Changeling??' and ironically enough, the lead character shares my first name...spooky! Anyway, luckily there was a happy ending to my saga, I managed to snag my own child (Megan the horse) back in time for her next play-doctor examination. I've jazzed up playing doctors, readers, because I can only listen to a heart beat with plastic stethoscope so many times. As there is a phone included, when I get to be the doctor, I ring up other doctors (today is was Dr. Cary Grant) and have imaginary flirtatious banter with them- with one sided conversations such as 'Ah, hi there Cary. Yeah, it's me. I was just phoning to-....oh no, not about last weekend...it's just, I have a patient here who needs a consultation and...oh Cary, not now, don't make me laugh out loud...yeah, after work drinks for sure...that's perfect, bye!' As you can see, I really have an active social life winky face *sob*

In the afternoon, as this weather here is still playing the fool and absolutely boiling us all alive from 7am to 11pm (STILL HOT NOW!) I was playing in the paddling pool with the kiddies. Unfortunately, Ring a ring a rosies was too vigorous for me when I got a wet pair of shorts from the 'All fall DOWN!' bit, so I taught them something new. It is a legend that has pervaded all of our childhoods. It makes us laugh. It makes us cry. It makes us involuntarily become milk maids. That's right, I taught them how to fill rubber gloves with loads of water and pretend they're cows' udders. How I laughed! Then I got shouted at when I tried to milk the cow so I just left them to do whatever the heck they wanted with the gloves instead. Obviously the true class and elegance of our beloved game was lost on them.

This week is interesting, because we're having a visit here in the house from the other au pair who used to work here. She's from England and went to the same uni as me and was in the same college and also played the piano and violin. Weiiird! But we get on well and it's lovely to have someone close to my age to talk to, we even went out for a beer this evening in the city and it was like I was a normal person with a friend. Also, she had a box of her clothes here still and gave me loads of really nice clothes that she didn't want anymore. And a DRESSING GOWN! Woooohooo! I can't wait to wear that in the winter!!! It's nice to have someone who really gets what I'm going through, and indeed there isn't anyone who could better understand! I'll enjoy her visit while it lasts, that's for sure!

Now, readers, I have a truly magnificent nugget of a story for you...gird your loins...ew, actually, please don't...but no, that's bad too!! Look, forget I mentioned your loins at all...this is so awkward.
There I was, getting the tram home from language class (did I mention we have five members now so we officially get to keep it up and running!! woooohoooo! I can continue being a swotty git! Now I have an Iranian boy who is also a swot and we get to sit together so the other 3 don't stand a chance, wayhey!  We were so smug tonight, swinging in our chairs and grinning, while the others tried to finish an activity...SUCH FUN!) and this boy sat next to me who looked about my age. There I was, having a tic tac from my bag, when I paused and thought 'Hang on, I may as well try out my german' so I just offered him the box and said 'Mochtest dich eins?' and he said 'Ja, danke' and then a load more stuff and I had to say that I was from Ireland. Then he said, do they speak English there and proceeded to whip out a book for learning English. I whipped out my book for learning German. We were both just back from our classes to learn each other's languages! How delicious is that??? I could  practically here the synthetic keyboard sounds of the meet cue on a classic Romcom. Amazing! So, we had a nice chat, found out he was called Sam and was 23, we were getting off at the same stop, he lives in the next village from me, and I have to say, my German is pretty good! He was a bit lazy so just said 'I find English very difficult, I prefer to speak in German with you' and I did it! I was speaking away in German and he was understanding it. GCSE German has somehow kicked back in!
I just thought that this would be the most wonderful opportunity if we were friends because then we could always help each other out with both learning. And he seemed a nice, sensible, normal boy. What are the chances of finding one of them to talk to, eh?
So, we got off the tram and were going opposite directions. I sort of thought he might say 'Do you want my number?' or add me on Facebook or something...but then he said, 'Maybe we'll see each other again on the trams soon. So that was that!

Maybe I will, maybe I won't!

The hills are alive, with the sound of....cows with bells??

The view of my private bedroom balcony.

Hey readers! So, here I am, a weary traveller returned from my weekend adventure. And, oh my goodness, what STUNNING scenery have I seen. For any of you who haven't been, the lake of Thun in the region of Interlaken is absolutely breath-taking. The huge Toblerone-esque moutains touch base with gorgeous water so clear and clean you can drink it, where luxury yachts and old fashion steam boats rub shoulders, where hikers and divers are one. And where I called home for a few days.

To start with, it's REALLY hot here at the minute- like over 30 degrees even until you go to sleep at night. So imagine my delight to arrive to such a glorious view after a long journey in a car, squished between to baby car seats, with a nagging cramp the whole way along my leg.On my journey up, we followed twisty roads through the glorious snow-capped mountains and delightful egg-rolling perfect green hills, where literal cows with literal bells literally...walked. Roaming free: every which colour of cow, all together as a group- it was beautiful to behold!

The view off my balcony

My room  was a thing of beauty. The lovely generations old house we stayed in had lovely wood-pannelled walls. I could have sat all day, watching the water sway and the delightful sounds of Pitbull booming from a luxury yacht zooming past. Bliss!

On Saturday we headed off towards the mountains, to tackle the Sheynige Platte: a lovely moutainous walk only reached by an hour long open top moutain train. There were some really funny highlights of this trip.

While we waited for the next mountain train, Cece the dog quickly established herself as a national emblem: revelling in the glory of herds of children and adults alike fawning around her. She lay down on her back and just let them go to town tickling her. Little minx!

It was quite hilarious to see literally tourists on a train sticking their cameras out to snap pictures of us on the platform. It must have looked a quintessentially Swiss picture: lovely dog, cute blonde child in a sunhat, blonde woman in hiking boots, they were all lapping it up. Oh well, when they're showing those holiday snaps to their families and saying 'Look how SWISS they are!' that's when I'll get my laugh. The woman in hiking boots was ME! The only thing Swiss about me is my Swatch watch and the constant amount of Gruyere cheese digesting in my stomach (I eat a lot of it here, so gooood!) The joke is well and truly on them. 

BAM!

Anywho, when we reached the top it was amazing!!! Just look at my pictures!!! Of course, I wanted to get a shot of me with all of this magic, just to prove I was there and luckily an obliging Spanish woman offered to take several for me at different angles. You know, I love the Spanish people: they're kind, thoughtful...and complimentary! While she took my picture, her friend shouted to me 'Beautiful Smile!' It was fantastic!

BEAUTIFUL SMILE!

Whilst climbing up, it was shouted over to me 'I think those two girls are Irish!' So I set my clover emblem to stun...and had a nice chat with the two girls when they confirmed they were in fact part of my crowd and we did the secret handshake. Oh...do you not KNOW the secret handshake?? Well....this is kind of awkward! It was lush to get to slur my words a little and sound just a bit more casual for a change and we had a few laughs so we did.

Another hilarious incident...when we stopped for our picnic, Cece thought she'd go lie down as well. Unfortunately, as she tried to roll into a more comfortable position, she continued to roll. And roll. And roll. She rolled down half a mountain with a terribly funny scared expression....

Add caption

Seriously, Piz Buin??

 ...she was fine though, see?? Happy as...well, happy as a dog who didnt just roll off the entire thing!!

Anywho, after we all baked for a few hours of lovely climbing, we made our way back down the mountain and towards the lovely lake house...where, WE WENT SWIMMING!!! IN THE LAKE!! It was AWESOME! I was feeling really quite frolicsome in the water so was doing lots of floating and I even attempted a few back flips- woop! Much to my amusement, when I finished doing a rather mangled back flip, I was asked 'Did you used to be a synchronised swimmer?' Ha, nah mate, you're mistaken, I'm a TERRIBLE swimmer! Obviously I covered my frantic coughing and goggle removal maneouvre well!

Last night, I realised that I was in fact incredibly burnt...woops! I was really annoyed, because I'd worn cream all over as well, it just didn't last like it should have! This would not be an exaggeration if I likened myself to...say...the red M+M- shocking!!! In fact, as I have no shame anymore, here's some evidential proof...bearing in mind, the camera was in beauty mode and has therefore severely improved my colour to less red!
I almost had a Nervy B when I saw myself in the mirror last night, I looked like an IMBECILE! Luckily, this morning I noticed that some of it had already morphed into tan and the rest will hopefully fade soon as I'm now covered in Aloe Vera- hello! (sorry if you got that)- and nicely soothed. Just wish my face hadn't got burnt, it looks like I'm just really embarassed all the time *sigh* Well, this is gonna help with making friends! Thanks defective sun cream!! :D

I'll leave you with one last funny incident of the weekend. This morning, the little boy said to me 'Why do you always have these?' *Gestures to my chest*
Me: Well, I can't really help it, they're just there...Are you just jealous because you can't be as good a drag queen without them?
Little boy: *Nods*
Me: You'll just have to get really fat to get some of your own.
LB: But you're not fat at all!  Day. Made.
I proceed to squeeze him in a hug of gratitude and say 'You're so sweet!'

On a plus, I seem to be losing weight despite eating like a pig, must be due to all of the schwitz-ing (sweating) I've been doing in this heat- ah well, more cheese please! :D

QOTR

Ich komme aus Swottiland

Hello, and how are you? I am just writing up my usual blog entry, which have become as frequent as one every two days, don't I spoil you? You should see me, out and about making memories, and thinking 'I'd better write this down for the blog' because I want you all to be able to laugh at what I go through as well, in the most detailed way I can remember.

Just an aside, before getting down to the crux of things, I'm ever so grateful to any of you that are frequent readers, it's incredibly nice to have people who continue to read my posts even when I write an absolute dud (ha, as if I ever do that!) and still find something to enjoy. Thank you for reading, it's nice to know you're there somewhere in the world.

Anywho, there have been a few funny little things that have happened since Tuesday. First of all, there's been a polite desire by the family for me to try and make some friends my own age. As you know, the pursuit for a man for me has already started but now the friends situation as escalated too. I've been told to apply to expat websites, to join amateur dramatics, to go to special centres for lonely expats...oh Lordie! Unfortunately, as I posted a chirpy comment on most of the websites (seriously it sounded like an online dating profile '21 year old Irish girl- talkative, fun and wanting some friends ;) ), hardly nobody replied to my pleas for some company! Now THAT'S embarassing!! So now I don't know what to do...I did join the Basel Irish club (I know, who knew right?) so they've invited me to a BBQ next Sunday which I've said I'll attend although it appears to be in the middle of a forest in the back end of nowhere so I'll need the luck of the Irish to find it... or a car.

Also, a few kind people have been in touch and said I can go along with them for things this weekend but ALAS, I have to go away to the Lake of Thun this weekend so I've had to say, maybe next weekend instead...hmm...not ideal! Bet nobody gets back to me again now! Stupid plans...

See, if SOTPM had just bothered to show any interest in me, I wouldn't have to do any of this!!1 *sigh*                                                                 

Barbie :)

 In other news, I did make a friend. Her name is Barbie and she is a llama. We really get each other. She's also a beautiful misunderstood creature (haha I'm INCORRIGIBLE!) Jokes, we're both just pale loners!

What the surroundings of my house look like

Unfortunately it's so frigging hut here at the minute that all the animals were hiding in the shade. I even managed to say to the farmer as he drank a midday beer 'Es ist zu heiss fur alles?' and he said 'Ja'. It was beautiful! I brought some children with me so it was a good cover story for me wanting to talk to some animals. People don't except me as I am. I'm sure Dr. Dolittle  went through the same thing!  Us creative sorts always do!

The goats came over for a quick perusal as usual and the ostriches were just LOVING being the only animals accustomed to the heat and were lounging all over the field.  

In other news,  there was a completely adorable moment with the little boy. Lately he's taken to kissing my arms when I don't expect it. So yesterday he was having a cuddle and kissing my arms and then said 'Do you know why I always kiss you?' and iI said 'No, why's that?' And he said 'Because I love you.' Wow. That just made my job worthwhile! Of course, he also loves dressing up like a fairy princess and complimenting my clothes so it's probably more akin to Gokk Wan saying 'You. Are. Fabulous' which he uses pretty liberally with all kinds of women so it doesn't mean Jack!  

In another bizarre children incident, they were having their usual argument over who was the smallest baby and therefore got to cuddle with me. Instead of the plaintive whine of 'I is the baby' that I was expecting, I heard 'I is the Baby Jesus, the littlest baby in the world' and then the other chipped in with 'I am also the Baby Jesus.' I just had to laugh. And sing Eminem. Bursting into a rendition of 'Slim Shady' I was singing 'Well, I'm the real Jesus, no I'm the real Jesus, would the real Baby Jesus please stand up, please stand up!' They didn't get it. But by George I had fun.

In other news, I successfully put them to bed for the first time. Had them bathed, fed, read three stories to, and asleep by 7.30- think I did pretty well! I did choke up a bit when reading Cinderella though...that bit with the instant falling in love of Cinders and the Prince gets me every time...

Today I was heading back into the city for my next German lesson. On the tram today, an old couple were sitting in front of me, having an enthusiastic debate about, I'm assuming, whether fat women or skinny young ones were more offensive to them. Judging by their frantic whispeing and staring when viewing such specimen!
I was getting paranoid about having to get off the tram before them in case the whispering escalated again. I would have had to decide whether to take their whispering as a compliment or an insult...either that or I just had my knickers on display. Luckily they got off first.

I also got royally lost. One minute I was browsing city centre clothes shops, one wrong turn and a misjudged flight of stairs and I was somewhere I'd never been before, walking in circles near a bridge which seemed to lead into France...so I hopped on the first tram I seen...hoping to get to the city centre...but he was leaving the city so I had to jump off again in some random suburbs. Got on another tram, this one stopping in the centre and got off again at the right stop but took another wrong turn and got completely lost again....dear goodness! I had to run towards my class in the end! So that was fun...it was a shame it got me so frazzled because I had been planning to go out for a drink in Paddy Reillys after class but was just too stressed out to want to anymore.

I have a confession. I am a massive swotty knickers. I mean it. I'm revoltingly swotty. I sit there with a smug grin as I answer everything right the first time round on listening activities and sit there with my hands folded while the others have a second listen. I leap up to WRITE ON THE BOARD! Who does that??? Every time I pronounce everything, I make sure to make it as accurate as possible. I counted the numbers backwards. I keep my book really neat (not like me) I don't know why I need to be a swot so badly. I just love it though! I miss it from school, because I could rarely do it at uni because it's hard to be top of class. I love learning. Let the records show. I'm sorry, other two class members, bet you want to strangle me. But it'd be worth it to always be right for a while first! Hey, you gotta give me this, I have very few other things that make me feel like a success here!

So that's it, I'm off to the lake house tomorrow, I'm hoping to run into Keanu Reaves- then again, I might just miss him...(oh that was AWFUL Lake house humourrr!!!) so hopefully I'll return alive and not do to many stupid things to get me fired!

Lovely readers, I bid you adieu

QOTR

 

May Angels Lead You In...some friends?

Hello...is it me you're looking for?? No, Lionel buddy, it is not either of us they are looking for! Because, apparently, I am really struggling to make friends here. It's not that I'm just being difficult. I just live in the country and I don't get to meet many people. It's a crying shame, that is! Any offers, Swiss readers??

L'Aventure Peugeot- the museeeee in France

Anyway, I'm not gonna be one of those ranty mcranters, who just moan on their blogs, unless of course it's with regards to SOTPM in which case we all enjoy a good moan about him, because we are his biggest fans, aren't we guys? But blaaargh, he's not being mentioned until I have good reason to do so!

 Previously in my life, I posted that rather melancholy post on Sunday  at lunch time.  Hilariously,within the space of a melancholy breakfast, melancholy lunch and some general mopey-ness- the unthinkable happened.

There I was, enjoying a mopey coffee and reading a magazine article about a model who likes eating, when the roar of a car arrived. Then another one. Then another one. Then another one. Minis. Vintage ones. Men. Six of them. After being introduced, I was whisked into a mini with a lovely man called Andre, and we all sped off in procession towards France. My life, eh??

Here we are arriving at the musuem: Andre and I. Not my words.

Don't believe me? Check it out, four mini parked together in the car park- what??







I had a whale of a time! For the first time in ages I was the only girl amongst a group of men. Plus, they were much older than me so really treated me nicely. They held doors for me. They bought my lunch and my tickets and my drinks. They called me a lady. They complimented me. They helped me. I loved the looks other people gave our group: six older men and one young girl- we must have looked fantastically weird!

So that was a delightful time in the afternoon, one of my happiest days so far. It was such a lovely drive into the country side too. Such a novelty for me to be being one minute in Switzerland and the next in France. Inconceivable! Plus, I had such lovely conversations with Andre the whole way there and back. And I might even have gotten a new reader for my blog...could it be true??

The second ever Peugeot car- and my favourite

In other news, the pursuit for finding me a prospect is continuing. Today a young man of roughly his 20s was getting his van fixed on site and I was quickly informed. It was suggested maybe I could go subtly play with the little girl outside, just to get introduced. I felt like a Victorian debutante. Until the child said 'Go Away' and hit me. Lovely job I have. Plus, although I enjoyed his initially flummoxed expression when I suddenly appeared in front of him, I got introduced dismissively as 'the au pair' and therefore got instantly dismissed as an absolute dunce who couldn't do anything else with her life. Dragging the child off to the other side of the yard, I tried to look casual in my denim shorts and pink fluffy slippers as I got ran into with a toy truck and got forced to dig through some dead leaves. He was very taken with me, I'm sure. Still, I did get a kick out of watching him trying and failing several times to reverse his van back out of the driveway. He was no SOTPM.


Today, I had to accompany the little one to Playgroup for half an hour, as she was too sad to stay alone. After a few games of cooking, I witnessed one of the earliest bitch faces I've ever seen in a life. This TERRIFYING toddler kept coming over and stealing things we were using. She'd then parade around the room with them and suddenly chuck them at us while looking really evil. You should have seen the two toddlers circle each other- like a chick flick frenemy montage!

This evening I got sent to my first language class. I had high hopes that I might meet some nice people my own age and FINALLY have places to go and people to do things with. It's no fun knowing you're in the way always being here. Plus, it gets really depressing to just stay where you work all the time. And the work is HARD. So I got on the tram with high hopes.

Where I'm going to end up, in a strait jacket, after my mental break.

Those quickly plummetted. For ages, it was only me and the teacher. Then a Turkish girl showed up. With an older woman who must have been somehow connected to her. Then a Brazilian girl. And that was it. Apparently if we don't get anymore members then our class is getting cancelled...yay! There goes my hopes of learning German! I thought the Brazilian girl was about the same age as me and we might get on. Alas, she is married with three children: the oldest of which is TWELVE!!!!!! The other two were both older too and the Turkish girl kept trying to correct me on things so I took to trying to beat her to every single right answer. Ha! And I succeeded.

Jazzy...

The only people who did really address me in town, with the exception of patronising Turkish girl and the teacher, were an absolute dead ringer for Whoopi Goldberg who was sitting in front of me on the tram and offered me some friendly advice when I couldn't get off the tram at my stop...like an IMBECILE! I really wanted to yell  'Thank you, Whooopiiii!!' The only other person to address me was a short teenaged boy who appeared to be auditioning for a Jay Z impersonation gig and looked like he might have been from the Phillipines who said 'Heeeellllo' in what I assume was meant to be a sleazy way which I quite frankly ignored. So an abundance of social opportunities, as you can see!

On the plus side, 1) I have totally gotten tanned without a single bit of sun burn. Like as in, people actually comment on it. 2) People keep mistaking me for a native and asking me for advice and directions. 3) And the mosquitoes here don't mind me one bit! Unlike those stupid Tiger Mozzies in Spain!4) Travelling Salesman totally emailed me back today. Turns out the reason we didnt meet up for some fun on Sunday was because he had to go back to London early due to a knee injury. Now we're penpals! And if there's anything I have a real aptitude for, except for giving the wolf in Red Riding Hood an exceptionally fine American accent, it's keeping up correspondences with people at a distance who never have to see me whatsoever!

QOTR

Ain't that a kick in the teeth!

Hello and how are you? Everytime I write a new blog entry I feel more and more like I might be morphing into Miranda Hart...no bad thing, the woman's a living legend...as am I ;)

Hey, rude!

Previously in my life (okay, now I'm doing it deliberately) the legend began of the mythical SonofaPreacherMan. There'll be a small segment on him later on, although unfortunately it is not the story I wanted to be telling you now, and I still want to change the story now, but this is what we are dealing with. And it is the wrong ending. But I know you are almost as fond of him as I am readers so I felt he needed to be mentioned. More on that later.

Some other interesting things about my last few days first. I went to a very cool farm with the children the other day. It had bison, goats, ostriches and llamas all roaming together. Anyway, on first arriving, a white blonde llama sidled over to me and we had an instant connection. I swear in my head I could here this playing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2gPZRsz0Q. We had the most lovely conversations and she was desperate to lick my face, she kept sidling right up as close as I would let her, but I couldn't quite face a slimey llama kiss. Two rough looking male goats, who were so fat they seemed pregnant, had a massive fight over my affection as well. It was about the most exciting moment of my life so far. Well, certainly the first time two males have been vying for my attention.Ohhhh, my life, who'd have it, eh?

Yesterday, after a gorgeous morning of getting given cuddles at the top of the really cool slide in the nearby playground (seriously, it's a rush to go down that slide!) in the afternoon, we made our way into Basel city centre as I wanted to see where my language course is held, and it was goooorgeous weather! We went down to the shore of the River Rhine for some paddling and there were some very lovely and very frightening things which happened. I had a nice cool beer on the shore, got to dip my feet into what has to be the nicest cleanest river ever, and got to go collecting shells with the children. The one frightening thing: the nearly poo incident. While both parents were absent, the little girl decides she can't hold in her poo anymore. She's screaming 'It's Coming!' in front of crowds of people. I'm shouting 'Hold it in!' and everybody is staring at me like I'm a terrible mother. It's just that she was meant to be doing it discretely in the water to be immediately caught by her dad once they returned so I was waiting for that and I wasn't dressed in my swimsuit so couldn't do it myself. But, my goodness, that was a tense few minutes! Particularly as she was starkers as usual...

After Basel, we went out for dinner at a restaraunt, where I managed to eat a ginormous ham and pineapple pizza alone. Uh oh, I'm a right greedy pig! The children got given these ice creams for dessert in the shape of Pingu's head, I was super jealous!

When we got home late at night, I watched 'The Italian Job' for the first time with the parents from a perch of a car seat, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and drowsing until nearly one in the morning.


 Another funny thing that happened yesterday, just proving that you never know what's going to happen next. The door bell rang. We all went to answer it in mass form. It was a random student from London trying to sell home made cards for an extortionate rate. We all have a nice chat with him, and of course I'm urged to tag along with him and his other friends who he is travelling with. So he is told to write down his email address for me, and I can't help but see an echo of SOTPM (come on, we all know what that stands for!) except I was never able to email number one. I give him a plum while he waits, and we have a nice chat, he seems like a nice guy. He says as a parting comment 'Drop Me An Email'. So I did. He never replied. Hmm...I'm no genius but this seems like another case of boys being absolute liars, to me anyway. It gets a bit annoying!

This morning I decided, after a night's sleep of only four hours, so my decision might have been a bit misjudged, to go to church. THE church. Where THE preacher man preaches. Now, bearing in mind, it's in a different village, it's a long walk, and church started at 9.30. I headed off with my Sunday Best on, two plums to eat on the way, and a plucky can do attitude that was thinking, 'Yes! I'm doing something great and independent! And yes, this is when I'm going to talk to SOTPM and ensure he does want to hang out, because I'm a CATCH!! And also apparently...an IMBECILE!

I arrived at the church a little early, but thought 'Ah well, I made it here, I'll just wander the grave stones and wait for other people to show up!' I saw a lovely grave stone which said 'Der Herr war meine Herte' which means 'The man was my heart' and I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever! Plus, I was in such  close vincinity to his house and this was his church, that I thought 'Surely, I'll get my chance now to chat to SOTPM! But no, nobody showed up. Not one person. Not one soul. I checked my watch at 9.30 and then thought 'What the frig??? Are they all inside?? I ferreted around to each and every door. Not one sound.There was however a sign saying 'No Entry' (I think) and a map directing people towards a random old school house instead. Missing my chance, I hung my head and went home.

If that wasn't a sign that I'm not meant to SOTPM again then I don't know what is! So, there were my grand plans ruined. No nice cosy chat. No friendly greeting. No sighting. All that's left is my ability to stalk him on Facebook and the loss of my plucky can do attitude- so THAT'S why I'm not a natural optimist! 

In the wilderness (literally) of my wild mind (figuratively) I meandered home through corn fields, feeling hot tears of frustration and anger. That's what happens when I try to be independent! Singing 'All By Myself' to the nearby fields of horses is probably not one of the highlights of my life. Neither is getting my hopes up about someone that never really showed an inkling of interest.

Son of a (gun)preacherman

Hello, my dear readers, known and unknown. First and the most foremost in all our minds, I'm sure, is that I got an adaptor! I'd like to apologise for my dramatics the other night as the next day I managed to procure a new charger in the next village over.

The last few days have been jam-packed (literally, they love jam here) and I have recovered a few lovely anecdotes from the recesses of my frankly terrifying mind which I thought I'd share with you.

First off the bat, everybody meet my new sometimes roomate, sometimes jogging companion: she looks like Lassie and acts like Nana from Peter Pan, barking the children into obedience, it's incredible to see her in action!

Now, let me think, anecdote wise. Well, of course, there's the incident for which this blog entry is named...that's probably a very interesting anecdote so we'll leave that to the end for y'all to sink your wee teeth into!

Something I forgot to mention in my first night's arrival, we stopped off at a farm for DRIVE THROUGH MILK!!!! You literally pulled up, filled up this huge milk containers from a machine of freshly milked milk and just paid in your coins. There were signs nearby with all of the cows' actual names included, it was AMAZING!!

In other news, I have now been on my first tram ride. Trams are pretty big over here and they are handy, they're like the snazzy hybrid between trains and buses. Now I have my very own tram pass so I can go go go when I like. Unfortunately, the first time I tried to get on one, with only a five year old for company, we saw a tram approaching and went to push the button to get on. Unfortunately a really haggish woman on a zimmer frame was getting off so we stepped aside. She then proceeded to shout at me in German. I smiled blankly and proceeded to push the button, only for her to yell again. Then she turned to the poor little five year old and said 'Does she not speak the language?' He was like 'No, she speaks English' and I was thinking 'Give me a chance, ya old hag, I'm trying to learn it!' then she proceeded to tell me what the problem was, apparently we weren't allowed on that one...who knew!

I had a truly magnifying moment, which I think has drawn the path for a new stage in my journey of womanhood...I sound like a queeratron... I heard the dreaded words after a 3 year old went to the toilet, 'I'm Fiiiiinished!' This being the first time I'd been alone in the house with them, I froze at the dishwasher. Uh-oh, time to face up to this. Luckily, circling through my head was the amazing song 'I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!' and I felt like I really earned my stripes when I managed to get through the whole butt wiping thing without so much as a flinch...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg I was thinking by the end 'I am strong STRONG, I am invincible INVINCIBLE, I am WOMAN!

Oh yeah, I've been making a lot of indoor tents these days. Every morning I hear 'Today we make another tent?' The words were filling me with dread but I had a really nice time in our tent this morning so pegging all the quilts, towels and broom handles together ended up being all right. There's something to be said for the simple pleasure of cuddling a child in an indoor tent. Bliss. We also had story time in the tent, a three time rendition of 'The Princess and the Pea' because the pea part proved popular. After the story, I proved the rumours once and for all correct: I am in fact a real princess. I lay on lego and it dug right into my back, I was informed by the children in an awed whisper 'You arrrre a princess'. You betcha I am! I've only been waiting 21 years to hear those words! It was nice for a change that their arguments were only who got to lie on top of me and cuddle closest- either way I was a winner!

Another little game we were playing today was having smoke breaks all the time using the long lego pieces as fake cigarettes. It was really fun, particularly after a hard morning of getting towed around on a toy tractor by a child in a toy BMW...one point I will make, wearing a skirt on a toy tractor is NOT a good idea! There's no ladylike ways to fit longer legs! Even of a practical midget like me. Jokes...I'm not really per say a midget...I hope...

Anyway, the crux of this blog title was the hilarious little incident that I roped myself into. Last night at dinner, I'd been having lots of laughs with the mother and father here, plus some wacky Alsation region wine- stroooong stuff- so I was in a good mood. We all were. Plus, we were eating raspberries- practically heroine for me... so, he was talking about having to leave back a car he'd fixed to the priest in the next village who had married them and christened the children. He happened to mention a son of the priest and I was suddenly possessed by Dusty Springfield and sung out 'Was the son of a preacher man!' like an IMBECILE! Anyway, it came to pass that he was like 'Ohh, he's a very attractive boy, about your age' and a plan was formulated that I would just happen to be with him for the car delivery, as preacher's son was home alone. So, today, trying to look decent after a day of jam, paint and food debris being rubbed on me, but also having to dress for our long walk home from the next village afterwards, I went out in trainers and shorts like Sporty Spice.

He was lovely. Imagine someone tall and tanned and looking like he's just stepped off a snowboard...and add a really nice smile. Why??

I was a little bit mortified to be there but he was really friendly! It was said of me, as he firmly shook my hand (shame they're not cheek kissers here...), 'She's new here and from Ireland'. I wondered if maybe I should whip out a guinness or do a leprachaun jig or something to prove the point. I was hoping against hope that he might have wanted to hang out with me because it is a bit strange to hang around with toddlers constantly. I said in my most winning way (if I have one) 'You're the only person my age I've met here' and the dad, who tried his best to talk about me said 'She needs someone to show her around Basel' It was such an obvious invitation that I almost thought I'd have to wink at him just to finish the invite. Anyway, he smiled politely. It must have been a no.

Talking about it later, the dad was like 'Well, he didn't say no, did he?' and the mum said 'Guess we're going to church on Sunday so you can see him again.' Oh, my life, who'd have it, eh? Still, I wouldn't say no to him...

Gesundheit and such

Only a short post today, readers, as I just discovered my travel adaptor isn't suitable for Switzerland...as well as being the one Euro country without the euro, it also doesn't have european adaptor plugs so as such, my laptop and phone are both going to die out imminently and I will be cut off from technology *goes mad slowly* Arrrrgh!!

I'll just give you the highlights: I'm here safely 'in der nahe von' Basel, I've met the family who are so nice. The parents are looovely and funny, I know we're going to get on well! The children are desperate for my attention, at the expense of my hair (which has become a toy), their bodies (covered in injuries) and the decency of human kind (they've been screaming a lot). If they'd just calm down I know we'd get on great too. They're fantastic when they do quiet down.

It's amazing how fast I've picked up the basic instincts of this whole parenting thing. I am managing surprisingly well, I have now seen more bare bottoms than a nudist might have, as they are often thrust towards me for inspection during the course of the day.

There have been a few surreal moments already. Zurich airport was surreal. After arriving in our terminal, we were ushered a mile or so onto an inner airport subway which played what I assumed was the soundtrack of Switzerland: involving bird song, trumpets, bells ringing, yodelling, male voice choirs and some very angry cows. I couldn't resist a snigger or two to myself. Next up we walked through a ridiculously long queue of customs, where I eventually got to pick up my bag. By the time I eventually got to the train station, after lugging two suitcases down four flights of stairs all alone, I had to queue for 20 minutes in the slowest ticket queue in the world. I eventually got to order my ticket in pigeon German, only to discover I had missed the final direct train to Basel. I was ordered down the stairs to Platform 3...only problem, when I got down the stairs, there was only platform two and three. Meanwhile I could see Platform 3 in the distance, but there were lots of rail tracks between me and there...arrrgh! I raced back up the stairs, and managed to find the RIGHT staircase and pelted towards my train to Zurich which was standing there. With the doors shut. In the UK that means a train is leaving. Thankfully, I ambushed an attractive man with a bike and he got me on to the train phew!

I was veeeery relieved to finally make it to my final connection in Zurich and sit down on a train and down a bottle of water. Thank the Lord!

Seeing the family on the platform was a welcome surprise and conversation came easy. We made our way into the pouring rain while I apologised profusely that I had indeed brought the weather with me, as they had had perfect sunshine until I arrived. It also rained all day today. Uhoh.

In other news, I picked blackberries, saw France within touching distance, crossed a river on a single unattached plank, saw a young male deer frollicking, oodles of pear trees, cherry trees, walnut trees (basically any thing on a tree I seen...except for a stupid excuse for a tween romance carving their stupid names on a tree. Thank goodness!

I also witnessed approximately 10 temper tantrums, some remarkable acrobatics, and my utter despair that after I finish this, I am officially cut off from the world... goodbye for now, here's hoping my poor mother can find me the right adaptor. Otherwise it's goodbye indefinitely.... dear goodness, please no!

Riding the bus with my sister

Before you ask, this is not a Rosie O'Donnell related blog...although the film title I have selected for the title is perhaps one of her most hilarious roles...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5osxqNncTk.

(For those who followed the link) I'm sorry you had to see that...I am not in anyway responsible for the content of the trailer, or indeed the film. But still, look up the bit about the toilet seat...makes me laugh everytime!

 This blog is in fact about my most recent travels back to Scotland. My mother (Big Bad Hezz) and I landed at Inverness airport, where on my way through security, I accidentally dropped the entirety of my toiletries into a bin and had to practically jump in it to rescue them again, and were promptly whisked away in my sister's car to her pad in Lossie. On our way there, however, we stopped for lunch. In a hippy commune. The sandwiches were nice, and there were some weiiiird people around, so all in all, it was a very enjoyable lunch time. We stopped in at the little gift shop, where there were heaps of weird statues of made up angels or something like that but we just ignored those, and went to the food section. I wanted a drink and seen a bottle called 'Rose Lemonade'. Thinking that it looked yummily like the strawberry lemonade that seems to only be available in the United States, I got a bottle. Unfortunately, it was exactly what it said on the tin. Rose flavoured lemonade. Yum. Plus, it had extract of ginger which always reminds me of being travel sick and therefore makes me a wee tad nauseous. What a nice drink.

Anyway, we eventually made it back to Kat's house and we were mightily excited for the Olympic Opening Ceremony which was happening that evening, because we are big fans of the Olympics in general.. And it's happening in our country. That doesn't happen often. Well, I may as well give my opinion on the ceremony as well, as the world and his wife seems to be weighing in on the topic. First off, let's just make this clear. I don't think the Olympics is in anyway a political statement about conservatives, the rich and the elite. I think it is what it is. A chance for the best in the world to get a chance to prove they are the best. It's a chance for the underdogs to rise, for records to be set, for amateurs to defy expectations. I thought they were brilliant, actually. The whole time the Queen and James Bond were travelling in that helicopter I was thinking 'No, no, she's not going to jump, is she??' When that stunt double was flipping through the air I almost lost it- how cool! Giant floating Voldemort was great, I liked him. Rowan Atkinson playing the keyboard was really funny. It all made me really proud. Especially when each country in the U.K got to sing their national anthem- I totally welled up at 'Danny Boy', especially as they were on the amazing Giant's Causeway- one of the many novelties of my country, another being Liam Neeson...

Beer and Olympics...yeaaaaah buddy!

We found ourselves enjoying a Corona or two, as well as some cherry seeds and once more proved our absolute class by spitting out our cherry stones into a Cath Kidston mug. Classy.

It was a bit of a late night, as the ceremony continued on until one in the morning, and by this point, it was really only me still alive, trying to guess which country was going to come out next. I was a little gutted to see that all of the track team were absent, as the wonderful beauty that is Chris Tomlinson was absent from our screens. Shame!

The cherry stone debris

Anyway, the real purpose of our visit was to help Katherine move house. So in between watching episodes of The Biggest Loser USA- which we fast forwarded and only watched the challenges and the weigh ins- we started the packing process.

We did find ourselves getting very distracted, particularly as Hezza had just acquired a Tablet, that we bought her for her birthday, and it was like watching Bambi play the Chattanooga Choo Choo on a saxophone. The funniest quote was probably 'Are those really emoticons?? I thought they were 'therefore' signs. What...just what??

Anyway, no moving day would be complete without a montage of action with an upbeat 80s hit in the background. So we took a novelty picture or two. Here we are in checked shirts, braids, and bandanas. It's all very Gilmore Girls.

We made the big move on Monday morning, bright and early. My mother and Kat's neighbour Lisa went ahead with all the stuff in a big white transit van while me and Kat drove in her car behind them, singing along to 'Where is the Love' and planning Kat's political career.

Her house in Aberdeen is goooooooooooooorgeous!! Everything has been newly rennovated, all the furniture and appliances were brand new, it had huge windows and lovely high ceilings and it had a drawbridge. Yes, you literally go across a drawbridge to enter the house. Blew my mind.

We met her lovely new housemate Rhona, we saw the local area- which has fake ski slopes really close- super jealous!! We ate mac and cheese and I set up the tv and we all had a lovely evening. Tuesday morning we went home via Aberdeen airport. What a nice, stress free little airport!! I really liked it's lay out and for once nothing went wrong in security. Yesterday afternoon I got my hair cut- noooooooo!! Never fear, avid readers, it was only a trim! I was worried that like Samson all of my strength would be deminished. Luckily, this was not the case. I also purchased some Union Jack knickers in Tesco so....Go on Team GB!!

What's next for me? I hear you ask..

Oh yeah, I'm moving to Switzerland in four days. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhh!!!!! The fear has well and truly set it!

QOTR