A Little Smog and a damn good Blog!

 From my unpenetrable Lair of Quirk, I write to you as one woman with her hat off. I have removed my hat, in this case a flat cap, and have it eschewed against my jumper like a Victorian chimney sweep when Sir Jollington VI walks past. A single tear has left a white track down my blackened young chimney-sweeping face as I think in my head, 'Bravo, London, bravo'. Because, fellows, I have just returned two days ago from the social highlight of my 2013 so far. Not that there has been much competition. But oh, the ball I have had! :D

The scene was set for a good time, with a very jolly and thorough Heathrow delay. After struggling to land for upwards of 20 minutes, we were told upon landing that our steps were broken and we had to stay onboard. For an indefinite time. That was a barrel of laughs. Once I entered the airport, I made my way to the underground station. My dear pal Hannah was coming from the opposite end of Heathrow so I set out to wait. Unfortunately a ridiculous amount of delays happened her end so I was hovering like a lurking lurker for over an hour. Luckily, my 'puppy dog playing a game' face encouraged other arriving tourists to seek my advice about my 'native town' of London. I guess standing next to the arrivals board was a bad idea, I was tempted to hip jut and gesture at it and say 'I know how to commute, ask me how!' Still, I like to think I was able to help the Spanish ladies make the local phone call. And my fizzing coke bottle provided some lively entertainment for a French school group.

Stay at Premiere Inn. They match beds to your PJs.

Eventually Hannah made it, and by chance we had both been looking for each other and opposite ends so turned at the same time and saw each other, while some clanging 80s saxophone chimed. Reunited (phew!) Crannah made their way to the underground and began their journey.

As a tube pro, it was a stress free commute to our delightful Stratford Premiere Inn, with a view of the Olympic Park. We used a self- service check in machine (SELF- SERVICE!!! It printed out our room keys and everything!!) and made our way to the lifts, me jigging with glee for the chance to exploit a hotel room, declaring "This is one of the true pleasures of my life!"

It was delightfully clean and well-laid out and I did the following testing.
1. Bed bounce test
2. Free biscuit check (none :( )
3. Free coffee check (two sachets!)
4. Travel kettle (yes!)
5. Bathroom products (Foamburst shower gel dispenser- score!)
6. TV working (Freeview channels)
7. View (car park and edge of Olympic stadium, and sometimes a lardy builder looking back at me)
8. Trouser press (none)
9. Spare stuff (two pillows, lots of towels.)
10. Reading room service/restaraunt menu (Burgers? Burgers in a meal deal? BURGERS!)
11. The Miranda two moves to kettle from bed dance (Successful in one teddy bear roll and a finger press)

Everything to my satisfaction, we decided to head on down for some dinner. Burgers and (triple-fried) chips- yummy! Summer fruit and jelly sundae for dessert- jolly roger! Returning to our room, we watched almost the entirety of comic relief in our PJs. Well, until David Tennant was trying to guilt trip us and we reached an angry limit!

Saturday morning: the reason we were there. Day One of the Country2Country festival in the 02- that's right, the U.Ks first ever Country Music festival. Stopping for a croissant and coffee breakfast and a Pizza Express lunch (my pizza- gorgonzola and leek- had an ACTUAL HOLE in the middle stuffed full of salad- two meals in one!) we made our way to the arena for an all day American country town explore and music revelation.

Us and a Pilgrim Choice cowboy

The Pilgrim Choice cheddar cowboys were about.So, of course, we had to get our picture taken with him. And we also posed in a photo booth wearing cowboy hats for the chance of winning a month's supply of cheese. Obviously. With a quirky start, we explored the cowboy boot, gingham and hat stalls, and the dozens of international food stalls. Enjoying an incredibly MOIST piece of coconut blondie, we anticipated our actual concert.

It was amazing. We found people like us, of all imaginable generations, crazy for country, wacky for western! As a testament to this: queue back to tube, mass crowds singing along to 'Jolene' and middle aged and elderly women and men wearing cowboy hats and spangly boots.

Festival main stage

The actual acts were all amazing. The atmosphere was intense with anticipation and joy and disbelief for what was actually happening. Actual violins and banjos getting played on a live stage, people rocking out on guitars and singing with their souls. We were satisfied campers.

The next morning, Sunday, we woke up to another day of delights to be had. We made our way into the Westfield centre for dinner and had a sudden filling of dread. Were all the shops shut until 12?? Could we not get any breakfast? But alas we went to a crepery and had a crepe and coffee for a few pounds. I had a Canadian crepe- my first ever real taste of bacon and syrup combined. I think, after all, I could easily be Canadian! I also learnt an important lesson: Macchiatto is actually just a really small coffee. Gutted.

Me in Zizzi with my beer

We headed towards London Bridge for some sight seeing: we stopped for a frolic around the Globe theatre, some superb river views, a look at HMS Belfast, which was reverberating with Irish music to celebrate St. Patrick's day, and eventually we managed to find the bridge, though it took a surprising effort! We had lunch in the GORGEOUS Italian restaraunt Zizii- why do we not have it in N.I?? Gorging ourselves on delicious garlic bread with cheese and balsamic onions and a delicious lasagne/chicken, red pepper and goat's cheese pizza, I ordered a beer and was told 'Excellent choice!' It was bliss eating yummy food and watching the river flow past us. That sounds so metaphorical!

An obviously drunk man got on a tube and said "I just need a few pounds so I can get off the streets, guys." We ignored him. We are soooo London!

Heading back to the O2 arena, we stopped for another coffee break in Costa and enjoyed the build up to the next stage of the festival. Now on good speaking terms with the couple next to us who had been there the previous evening, we had a nice chat and awaited our wonderful acts. As a personal show highlight: we saw LeAnn Rimes performing on stage and fulfilled a childhood dream since Coyote Ugly came out in 2000, we got to sing along with 'Can't Fight the Moonlight'. Dreams can come true! LeAnn nearly cried, and we did too. In other news, Brantley Gilbert was delectably good at being both Metal and Country. Carrie Underwood is apparently a performer that triggers multiple girl fights if the number of women being escorted out from the stadium is anything to go by. And Hootie and the Blowfish's own Hootie, Darius Rucker, is an awesome dancer and got us all singing along to 'Family Tradition' by Hank Williams Jr., country royalty himself!

With the festival over there was a sense of sadness but also a real sense of gladness for having gone to it. It's definitely back next year and we can't wait! It was awesomely good.

Monday morning, we packed our bags and checked out, heading into the centre for some more sight seeing. We hit all the main sights, though Buckingham Palace disappeared off the map while we were looking for it, so we didn't make it there! Our dream of becoming Mary Kate and Ashley in 'Winning London' will have to wait until next year, when we've acquired colour lensed sunglasses and tartan trousers.

We went for lunch to a Chinese all you can eat buffet, where the food was nice, but they hid us in a creepy backroom, forced us to drink fizzy water and shouted at us until we paid them extra. Such fun!

Goodbye until next year, London!

We went to King's cross to get our picture at Platform 9 and three quarters, but discovered a line of tourists paying to have their picture and decided that, surprisingly, we were actually too cool for something. Heading back to Heathrow early, there's nothing like an hour and a half squeezed onto a tube where the driver keeps repeating 'We do not have a final destination for this tube yet.' to get you in the mood for going back home.

I give my trip to London a 9 and a half out of 10- only thing that would have made it better would be if Carrie Underwood's promised 'very special guest' had bothered to show up and had bothered to be Brad Paisley.

In other news, last night I fell asleep and weird stuff happened. You've heard of sleep walking? Of sleep talking? I take things to a whole new level of cray-cray. As a child, I woke up multiple times at exactly 12AM to be sick, one time I worried so much about taking a plaster off the next morning that I woke up and it had disappeared, never to be seen again, and last night: for a couple of months, one of my teddy bears has been missing, leaving me just two in my bed. This morning, I woke up and the third bear was back!!!! How??? Why??? Amazing! So, apparently adult sleep walking is a sign of mental instability/psychological problems.

I actually find myself filled with dread as to what sleep Jeremy-Kyling means...

The five pretty irrational things that have got me excited this week...

Dear Readers,

As I have recently taken to eating vast amounts of pureed fruit products (I am currently chowing down on some apple and plum- ohne zuckerzusatz of course!!-) it got me to thinking about all those kind of crazy things I used to get excited about when I was little. Actually, that's a poor choice of words- I am still quite little, just not so young anymore. On that point actually, only five weeks today until I turn 22- what?? And therefore also only five weeks today until I leave here. These next few weeks are rapidly turning into a busy and exciting and saddening rush of meeting new people, going new places, doing new things, and saying goodbye along to the way to everybody lovely I've met here. I am a little bit sad about the whole thing, because if it was possible to stay here just for the social aspects I absolutely would. Anybody else reaaaaaalllllly hating the job market right now?? But I knew it was time to leave when I couldn't even get a job in McDonalds because I didn't have fluent German... :s

Small victory: managed to do my entire Starbucks cashier interaction in German and knew exactly what she was asking me and how to reply without her changing into English mid way when I slip up as normally happens- YESSSS!!!! If nothing else, this has made my trip a success

So anyway, hastily leaping off the fastly fleeing tangent ship I was aboard, doggy paddling frantically, and regaining my breath upon the Island of On-Topic, I have been having a think about what weird things there have been that have got me reaaaaaalllly excited lately. Usually it doesn't take much...but some things have just had an insane level of impact on me. So without further ado...or much ado about nothing (though I love a bit of Mr Wilde's dramatic works *winky face*)

1.  The All-Blacks Haka on Sunday. There I was, sitting on my bed with computer set to capture live BBC 1- Scotland v New Zealand. I love Irish rugby, don't get me wrong, I went the night before to watch their match against South Africa, I sang along with the rugby anthem in the pub, I cheered for their scores, I ooooh-ed and aaahhh-ed like the best of them. But we lost. And that was a bit of a downer. I still love my country. And our team. But why don't we dance?? For all who haven't seen a Haka:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebZVMc0NKZs&feature=related. I could hardly contain my legs for shaking with excitement for the five minutes before they were due to come on the field and do their thing. My coffee granules spilt everywhere when I was making a beverage. I could barely breathe. I can't tell you why it gets me so excited. But when it was happening I couldn't think of many things I'd rather be doing than watching them do their thing. They've just got such style.

As does Dumbledore.

Let's take a moment to reflect on the sheer splendor of this image to our right. Dumbledore. Has Got. Style. And I really like his hair here, wish mine would sit so nicely :)

2. Gruyere cheese was on offer. Get in. I was doing my usual budget shop around Migros when I saw that my absolute favourite cheese was on offer and therefore the lucky cheese I was going to buy. It's just so darn good. Wish I had stocked up!


3. My first successful all-nighter club evening. Yes. I went to a night club. And danced all night. I literally danced all night. I've been going to Paddy Reillys for months as you know, readers, but only on Saturday did I learn that there is an actual downstairs night club section. I thought everybody just rocked around the bar area and that was it. Mind blown. So yeah, there I was, one minute watching the rugby match at 6.30pm, next minute going to bed at 6am. Crazy times. Of course, I went clubbing in jeans and a jumper because I had only gone to the pub to watch the match, but at least I had the foresight to wear high heeled boots. Not a total fuddy duddy. Of course, there was an abundance of absolute creepers who tended to descend any time you were alone unchaperoned, and sure my only chaperone was the brother of a girl who I vaguely know and who quite frankly hates my guts, but I still had a good time. I am proud of myself for surviving. Now I am very wary of Ne-Yo's 'Give Me Everything' though because in the line 'Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em hey' I could see a creeper lurking near by and I had a moment of dread and then the worst happened and he meandered up to me and well and truly said 'Hey'. Uggh. Never could have imagined I would have got so much attention on a night out though. Swear times have changed since my teenaged years...those two times I went out. Or maybe I've changed. Cool.


4. At this point in my blog writing, I have just returned from the wash room, armed with some freshly cleaned clothes. And amongst them is fresh bed clothes. Ahhhh! Is there any thing more exciting than the first moment you get into bed the night of wash day?? Especially if you are partial to the cold bed dance as I am...AND it's really cold rendering the dance not just fun but necessary...AND the bedclothes are fresh fresh fresh! I for one am already a little bit overwhelmed for tonight and it's still many hours until I will be going to bed. If you're looking for me this evening..I may be curled up with some sort of Hilary Duff movie and my lovely clean bed clothes- bliss.com

5. The final thing I'm excited about right now is the kick ass sunny evening we're having here. The sky is blue as Prince Eric's eyes, the autumnal sun is making the autumnal leaves evening more golden orange, the air is crisp but mild enough for exercise, and I have an ipod full of new songs I have downloaded and want to listen to. The scene has well and truly been set for an epic walk. Here's hoping I don't accidentally wander an hour towards Germany this time. As soon as this next load of washing finishes, I am out of here to get some much needed oxygen.

So, that's all folks, the five things I could think of on short notice that have really tickled my fancy the last few days. Not to mention, of course, my ongoing fun with the radio, and the friendships I have just made, and the original friendships I made here that have been rekindled...and here's to the not so fun moments too. But let's not go into them. Cheers/ Slainté/ Salud!

QOTR

The hills are alive, with the sound of....cows with bells??

The view of my private bedroom balcony.

Hey readers! So, here I am, a weary traveller returned from my weekend adventure. And, oh my goodness, what STUNNING scenery have I seen. For any of you who haven't been, the lake of Thun in the region of Interlaken is absolutely breath-taking. The huge Toblerone-esque moutains touch base with gorgeous water so clear and clean you can drink it, where luxury yachts and old fashion steam boats rub shoulders, where hikers and divers are one. And where I called home for a few days.

To start with, it's REALLY hot here at the minute- like over 30 degrees even until you go to sleep at night. So imagine my delight to arrive to such a glorious view after a long journey in a car, squished between to baby car seats, with a nagging cramp the whole way along my leg.On my journey up, we followed twisty roads through the glorious snow-capped mountains and delightful egg-rolling perfect green hills, where literal cows with literal bells literally...walked. Roaming free: every which colour of cow, all together as a group- it was beautiful to behold!

The view off my balcony

My room  was a thing of beauty. The lovely generations old house we stayed in had lovely wood-pannelled walls. I could have sat all day, watching the water sway and the delightful sounds of Pitbull booming from a luxury yacht zooming past. Bliss!

On Saturday we headed off towards the mountains, to tackle the Sheynige Platte: a lovely moutainous walk only reached by an hour long open top moutain train. There were some really funny highlights of this trip.

While we waited for the next mountain train, Cece the dog quickly established herself as a national emblem: revelling in the glory of herds of children and adults alike fawning around her. She lay down on her back and just let them go to town tickling her. Little minx!

It was quite hilarious to see literally tourists on a train sticking their cameras out to snap pictures of us on the platform. It must have looked a quintessentially Swiss picture: lovely dog, cute blonde child in a sunhat, blonde woman in hiking boots, they were all lapping it up. Oh well, when they're showing those holiday snaps to their families and saying 'Look how SWISS they are!' that's when I'll get my laugh. The woman in hiking boots was ME! The only thing Swiss about me is my Swatch watch and the constant amount of Gruyere cheese digesting in my stomach (I eat a lot of it here, so gooood!) The joke is well and truly on them. 

BAM!

Anywho, when we reached the top it was amazing!!! Just look at my pictures!!! Of course, I wanted to get a shot of me with all of this magic, just to prove I was there and luckily an obliging Spanish woman offered to take several for me at different angles. You know, I love the Spanish people: they're kind, thoughtful...and complimentary! While she took my picture, her friend shouted to me 'Beautiful Smile!' It was fantastic!

BEAUTIFUL SMILE!

Whilst climbing up, it was shouted over to me 'I think those two girls are Irish!' So I set my clover emblem to stun...and had a nice chat with the two girls when they confirmed they were in fact part of my crowd and we did the secret handshake. Oh...do you not KNOW the secret handshake?? Well....this is kind of awkward! It was lush to get to slur my words a little and sound just a bit more casual for a change and we had a few laughs so we did.

Another hilarious incident...when we stopped for our picnic, Cece thought she'd go lie down as well. Unfortunately, as she tried to roll into a more comfortable position, she continued to roll. And roll. And roll. She rolled down half a mountain with a terribly funny scared expression....

Add caption

Seriously, Piz Buin??

 ...she was fine though, see?? Happy as...well, happy as a dog who didnt just roll off the entire thing!!

Anywho, after we all baked for a few hours of lovely climbing, we made our way back down the mountain and towards the lovely lake house...where, WE WENT SWIMMING!!! IN THE LAKE!! It was AWESOME! I was feeling really quite frolicsome in the water so was doing lots of floating and I even attempted a few back flips- woop! Much to my amusement, when I finished doing a rather mangled back flip, I was asked 'Did you used to be a synchronised swimmer?' Ha, nah mate, you're mistaken, I'm a TERRIBLE swimmer! Obviously I covered my frantic coughing and goggle removal maneouvre well!

Last night, I realised that I was in fact incredibly burnt...woops! I was really annoyed, because I'd worn cream all over as well, it just didn't last like it should have! This would not be an exaggeration if I likened myself to...say...the red M+M- shocking!!! In fact, as I have no shame anymore, here's some evidential proof...bearing in mind, the camera was in beauty mode and has therefore severely improved my colour to less red!
I almost had a Nervy B when I saw myself in the mirror last night, I looked like an IMBECILE! Luckily, this morning I noticed that some of it had already morphed into tan and the rest will hopefully fade soon as I'm now covered in Aloe Vera- hello! (sorry if you got that)- and nicely soothed. Just wish my face hadn't got burnt, it looks like I'm just really embarassed all the time *sigh* Well, this is gonna help with making friends! Thanks defective sun cream!! :D

I'll leave you with one last funny incident of the weekend. This morning, the little boy said to me 'Why do you always have these?' *Gestures to my chest*
Me: Well, I can't really help it, they're just there...Are you just jealous because you can't be as good a drag queen without them?
Little boy: *Nods*
Me: You'll just have to get really fat to get some of your own.
LB: But you're not fat at all!  Day. Made.
I proceed to squeeze him in a hug of gratitude and say 'You're so sweet!'

On a plus, I seem to be losing weight despite eating like a pig, must be due to all of the schwitz-ing (sweating) I've been doing in this heat- ah well, more cheese please! :D

QOTR