Monday, 3 September 2012

Freaks on a Tram

Coming this blog post to a computer screen right in front of you, I bring you Freaks on a Tram...from the maker of some extreme social faux pas and some pretty entertaining blog posts, be afraid.

Nobody is safe on the tram. Well, that's a bit drastic. I'm not that safe...but that's because I seem to attract absolute weirdos! No offence to any of my friends, I don't mean you guys!

It's not so much that I never feel safe on the trams. I do normally. Just in the past few days I've encountered a strangely high proportion of slightly bizarre people ranging from the odd quirks to the full on creeps.

Anyway, as you can see from my rather brilliant (I know, it's terrible!) film poster to the left, you get all sorts! And there hasn't been a man with a roast chicken on his head chasing me or anybody shouting 'Here's Johnny!' as the poster would suggest...although the chicken chaser would actually be pretty hilarious...

So, I will briefly incorporate my top three creepiest encounters into a rhyming song (you can make up the tune yourself!) Don't I spoil you all? ;)

On Saturday, to my dismay,
I seen a somewhat normal boy
He took to grinning at me there,
And acting mighty coy.

Unfortunately, I did there see,
A constant sniffer of armpits,
As between his smiles to me,
He really sniffed with true grit.

On Sunday afternoon
A man came and sat beside me,
He decided it would not be weird,
To try and reach to touch me

He pointed at my hands, my face,
He made a scary sight,
He asked 'Warum?' and pointed
And really gave me quite a fright.

On my walk home, to my surprise
A group of men I saw there,
They were gathered into a group,
And made noise without a care.

To my chagrin,
A chime did begin,
They made the sounds of a telephone,
And really made me wish for home.

I don't know why, but it seemed less psychologically damaging if I made it a song instead. :-/

In other news, as is the tradition of my blog, I'll give you a run down of my latest happenings and events.

On Saturday, I went to visit my friend Kevin in a city called Aarau. The train there was pretty uneventful although a weird man did sit next to me and try and chat while loudly slurping his red bull. Great. We did all the sights (well, what we could see through the downpour) and wandered through a jumble sale where Kev tried to buy some binoculars from a big box only to be told by the man in a weird broken German/French language that 'These are mine. You can't have them.' We went out for pizza and strolled around with a rather malfunctioning umbrella.

It was a lovely chance to talk, and I can just talk to him for hours without stopping (much to his annoyance). It's so nice to have made such a good friend already in a new country. Plus, he's an Irish lad so we don't have any language barriers. Maybe just a sarcasm one. He's also such a gentleman, he was kind enough to pay for things and to hold an umbrella over me- have I mentioned before how much I love people being gentlemen- they're my favourite kind of men species!

There were some funny sights to be seen. A man dressed as a bear who gave out honey in exchange for cuddles...and money- typical Switzerland! There were a whole group of people playing bongos just for fun-sies, and I wondered whether they might have been a cult. I confronted my fear of freight trains and we just generally had a fabioso time!
 
On Sunday, I went for a lovely walk in the morning- there's nothing like listening to Johnny Cash as you walk towards France to clear your head. The dog and I were both wrecked afterwards though. 

In the afternoon I made my way into Paddys for my first ever taster of a Gaelic Football match. It was a nice chance to just chat with all the Irish crew and just generally have a merry time of things. It wasn't quite the 12 hour situation of the Sunday before but it was a good afternoon/evening. The BILL society was formed, I learnt the rules of a new sport, and the drink was flowing merrily.

Today, and I will leave you with this anecdote, I discovered that the little girl has two girlfriends and a boyfriend who regularly ring her on her toy mobile phone. It's funny how accurate she is. The girls are really needy and keep ringing her and then she groans and is a bit of a man about things...anyway, I asked her what her boyfriend was called earlier and this is the conversation we had:

Me: Who was that on the phone?
Her: My boyfriend
Me: Oh dear, is he ringing you again?
Her: Yeah...lots
Me: What's his name, anyway?
Her: FizzyMan
Me...WHAT???

Fizzy man??? Where does she even get these things?? I am a little concerned about her polygamous bisexual imaginary world though, I must say...

On a lower point, she also got knocked off her bike by a ginger boy with ADHD... nicht so spass!

So the moral is: Stay away from freaks on trams...and from gingers with a shifty look.


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