Ain't that a kick in the teeth!

Hello and how are you? Everytime I write a new blog entry I feel more and more like I might be morphing into Miranda Hart...no bad thing, the woman's a living legend...as am I ;)

Hey, rude!

Previously in my life (okay, now I'm doing it deliberately) the legend began of the mythical SonofaPreacherMan. There'll be a small segment on him later on, although unfortunately it is not the story I wanted to be telling you now, and I still want to change the story now, but this is what we are dealing with. And it is the wrong ending. But I know you are almost as fond of him as I am readers so I felt he needed to be mentioned. More on that later.

Some other interesting things about my last few days first. I went to a very cool farm with the children the other day. It had bison, goats, ostriches and llamas all roaming together. Anyway, on first arriving, a white blonde llama sidled over to me and we had an instant connection. I swear in my head I could here this playing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2gPZRsz0Q. We had the most lovely conversations and she was desperate to lick my face, she kept sidling right up as close as I would let her, but I couldn't quite face a slimey llama kiss. Two rough looking male goats, who were so fat they seemed pregnant, had a massive fight over my affection as well. It was about the most exciting moment of my life so far. Well, certainly the first time two males have been vying for my attention.Ohhhh, my life, who'd have it, eh?

Yesterday, after a gorgeous morning of getting given cuddles at the top of the really cool slide in the nearby playground (seriously, it's a rush to go down that slide!) in the afternoon, we made our way into Basel city centre as I wanted to see where my language course is held, and it was goooorgeous weather! We went down to the shore of the River Rhine for some paddling and there were some very lovely and very frightening things which happened. I had a nice cool beer on the shore, got to dip my feet into what has to be the nicest cleanest river ever, and got to go collecting shells with the children. The one frightening thing: the nearly poo incident. While both parents were absent, the little girl decides she can't hold in her poo anymore. She's screaming 'It's Coming!' in front of crowds of people. I'm shouting 'Hold it in!' and everybody is staring at me like I'm a terrible mother. It's just that she was meant to be doing it discretely in the water to be immediately caught by her dad once they returned so I was waiting for that and I wasn't dressed in my swimsuit so couldn't do it myself. But, my goodness, that was a tense few minutes! Particularly as she was starkers as usual...

After Basel, we went out for dinner at a restaraunt, where I managed to eat a ginormous ham and pineapple pizza alone. Uh oh, I'm a right greedy pig! The children got given these ice creams for dessert in the shape of Pingu's head, I was super jealous!

When we got home late at night, I watched 'The Italian Job' for the first time with the parents from a perch of a car seat, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and drowsing until nearly one in the morning.


 Another funny thing that happened yesterday, just proving that you never know what's going to happen next. The door bell rang. We all went to answer it in mass form. It was a random student from London trying to sell home made cards for an extortionate rate. We all have a nice chat with him, and of course I'm urged to tag along with him and his other friends who he is travelling with. So he is told to write down his email address for me, and I can't help but see an echo of SOTPM (come on, we all know what that stands for!) except I was never able to email number one. I give him a plum while he waits, and we have a nice chat, he seems like a nice guy. He says as a parting comment 'Drop Me An Email'. So I did. He never replied. Hmm...I'm no genius but this seems like another case of boys being absolute liars, to me anyway. It gets a bit annoying!

This morning I decided, after a night's sleep of only four hours, so my decision might have been a bit misjudged, to go to church. THE church. Where THE preacher man preaches. Now, bearing in mind, it's in a different village, it's a long walk, and church started at 9.30. I headed off with my Sunday Best on, two plums to eat on the way, and a plucky can do attitude that was thinking, 'Yes! I'm doing something great and independent! And yes, this is when I'm going to talk to SOTPM and ensure he does want to hang out, because I'm a CATCH!! And also apparently...an IMBECILE!

I arrived at the church a little early, but thought 'Ah well, I made it here, I'll just wander the grave stones and wait for other people to show up!' I saw a lovely grave stone which said 'Der Herr war meine Herte' which means 'The man was my heart' and I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever! Plus, I was in such  close vincinity to his house and this was his church, that I thought 'Surely, I'll get my chance now to chat to SOTPM! But no, nobody showed up. Not one person. Not one soul. I checked my watch at 9.30 and then thought 'What the frig??? Are they all inside?? I ferreted around to each and every door. Not one sound.There was however a sign saying 'No Entry' (I think) and a map directing people towards a random old school house instead. Missing my chance, I hung my head and went home.

If that wasn't a sign that I'm not meant to SOTPM again then I don't know what is! So, there were my grand plans ruined. No nice cosy chat. No friendly greeting. No sighting. All that's left is my ability to stalk him on Facebook and the loss of my plucky can do attitude- so THAT'S why I'm not a natural optimist! 

In the wilderness (literally) of my wild mind (figuratively) I meandered home through corn fields, feeling hot tears of frustration and anger. That's what happens when I try to be independent! Singing 'All By Myself' to the nearby fields of horses is probably not one of the highlights of my life. Neither is getting my hopes up about someone that never really showed an inkling of interest.

Son of a (gun)preacherman

Hello, my dear readers, known and unknown. First and the most foremost in all our minds, I'm sure, is that I got an adaptor! I'd like to apologise for my dramatics the other night as the next day I managed to procure a new charger in the next village over.

The last few days have been jam-packed (literally, they love jam here) and I have recovered a few lovely anecdotes from the recesses of my frankly terrifying mind which I thought I'd share with you.

First off the bat, everybody meet my new sometimes roomate, sometimes jogging companion: she looks like Lassie and acts like Nana from Peter Pan, barking the children into obedience, it's incredible to see her in action!

Now, let me think, anecdote wise. Well, of course, there's the incident for which this blog entry is named...that's probably a very interesting anecdote so we'll leave that to the end for y'all to sink your wee teeth into!

Something I forgot to mention in my first night's arrival, we stopped off at a farm for DRIVE THROUGH MILK!!!! You literally pulled up, filled up this huge milk containers from a machine of freshly milked milk and just paid in your coins. There were signs nearby with all of the cows' actual names included, it was AMAZING!!

In other news, I have now been on my first tram ride. Trams are pretty big over here and they are handy, they're like the snazzy hybrid between trains and buses. Now I have my very own tram pass so I can go go go when I like. Unfortunately, the first time I tried to get on one, with only a five year old for company, we saw a tram approaching and went to push the button to get on. Unfortunately a really haggish woman on a zimmer frame was getting off so we stepped aside. She then proceeded to shout at me in German. I smiled blankly and proceeded to push the button, only for her to yell again. Then she turned to the poor little five year old and said 'Does she not speak the language?' He was like 'No, she speaks English' and I was thinking 'Give me a chance, ya old hag, I'm trying to learn it!' then she proceeded to tell me what the problem was, apparently we weren't allowed on that one...who knew!

I had a truly magnifying moment, which I think has drawn the path for a new stage in my journey of womanhood...I sound like a queeratron... I heard the dreaded words after a 3 year old went to the toilet, 'I'm Fiiiiinished!' This being the first time I'd been alone in the house with them, I froze at the dishwasher. Uh-oh, time to face up to this. Luckily, circling through my head was the amazing song 'I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!' and I felt like I really earned my stripes when I managed to get through the whole butt wiping thing without so much as a flinch...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg I was thinking by the end 'I am strong STRONG, I am invincible INVINCIBLE, I am WOMAN!

Oh yeah, I've been making a lot of indoor tents these days. Every morning I hear 'Today we make another tent?' The words were filling me with dread but I had a really nice time in our tent this morning so pegging all the quilts, towels and broom handles together ended up being all right. There's something to be said for the simple pleasure of cuddling a child in an indoor tent. Bliss. We also had story time in the tent, a three time rendition of 'The Princess and the Pea' because the pea part proved popular. After the story, I proved the rumours once and for all correct: I am in fact a real princess. I lay on lego and it dug right into my back, I was informed by the children in an awed whisper 'You arrrre a princess'. You betcha I am! I've only been waiting 21 years to hear those words! It was nice for a change that their arguments were only who got to lie on top of me and cuddle closest- either way I was a winner!

Another little game we were playing today was having smoke breaks all the time using the long lego pieces as fake cigarettes. It was really fun, particularly after a hard morning of getting towed around on a toy tractor by a child in a toy BMW...one point I will make, wearing a skirt on a toy tractor is NOT a good idea! There's no ladylike ways to fit longer legs! Even of a practical midget like me. Jokes...I'm not really per say a midget...I hope...

Anyway, the crux of this blog title was the hilarious little incident that I roped myself into. Last night at dinner, I'd been having lots of laughs with the mother and father here, plus some wacky Alsation region wine- stroooong stuff- so I was in a good mood. We all were. Plus, we were eating raspberries- practically heroine for me... so, he was talking about having to leave back a car he'd fixed to the priest in the next village who had married them and christened the children. He happened to mention a son of the priest and I was suddenly possessed by Dusty Springfield and sung out 'Was the son of a preacher man!' like an IMBECILE! Anyway, it came to pass that he was like 'Ohh, he's a very attractive boy, about your age' and a plan was formulated that I would just happen to be with him for the car delivery, as preacher's son was home alone. So, today, trying to look decent after a day of jam, paint and food debris being rubbed on me, but also having to dress for our long walk home from the next village afterwards, I went out in trainers and shorts like Sporty Spice.

He was lovely. Imagine someone tall and tanned and looking like he's just stepped off a snowboard...and add a really nice smile. Why??

I was a little bit mortified to be there but he was really friendly! It was said of me, as he firmly shook my hand (shame they're not cheek kissers here...), 'She's new here and from Ireland'. I wondered if maybe I should whip out a guinness or do a leprachaun jig or something to prove the point. I was hoping against hope that he might have wanted to hang out with me because it is a bit strange to hang around with toddlers constantly. I said in my most winning way (if I have one) 'You're the only person my age I've met here' and the dad, who tried his best to talk about me said 'She needs someone to show her around Basel' It was such an obvious invitation that I almost thought I'd have to wink at him just to finish the invite. Anyway, he smiled politely. It must have been a no.

Talking about it later, the dad was like 'Well, he didn't say no, did he?' and the mum said 'Guess we're going to church on Sunday so you can see him again.' Oh, my life, who'd have it, eh? Still, I wouldn't say no to him...

Gesundheit and such

Only a short post today, readers, as I just discovered my travel adaptor isn't suitable for Switzerland...as well as being the one Euro country without the euro, it also doesn't have european adaptor plugs so as such, my laptop and phone are both going to die out imminently and I will be cut off from technology *goes mad slowly* Arrrrgh!!

I'll just give you the highlights: I'm here safely 'in der nahe von' Basel, I've met the family who are so nice. The parents are looovely and funny, I know we're going to get on well! The children are desperate for my attention, at the expense of my hair (which has become a toy), their bodies (covered in injuries) and the decency of human kind (they've been screaming a lot). If they'd just calm down I know we'd get on great too. They're fantastic when they do quiet down.

It's amazing how fast I've picked up the basic instincts of this whole parenting thing. I am managing surprisingly well, I have now seen more bare bottoms than a nudist might have, as they are often thrust towards me for inspection during the course of the day.

There have been a few surreal moments already. Zurich airport was surreal. After arriving in our terminal, we were ushered a mile or so onto an inner airport subway which played what I assumed was the soundtrack of Switzerland: involving bird song, trumpets, bells ringing, yodelling, male voice choirs and some very angry cows. I couldn't resist a snigger or two to myself. Next up we walked through a ridiculously long queue of customs, where I eventually got to pick up my bag. By the time I eventually got to the train station, after lugging two suitcases down four flights of stairs all alone, I had to queue for 20 minutes in the slowest ticket queue in the world. I eventually got to order my ticket in pigeon German, only to discover I had missed the final direct train to Basel. I was ordered down the stairs to Platform 3...only problem, when I got down the stairs, there was only platform two and three. Meanwhile I could see Platform 3 in the distance, but there were lots of rail tracks between me and there...arrrgh! I raced back up the stairs, and managed to find the RIGHT staircase and pelted towards my train to Zurich which was standing there. With the doors shut. In the UK that means a train is leaving. Thankfully, I ambushed an attractive man with a bike and he got me on to the train phew!

I was veeeery relieved to finally make it to my final connection in Zurich and sit down on a train and down a bottle of water. Thank the Lord!

Seeing the family on the platform was a welcome surprise and conversation came easy. We made our way into the pouring rain while I apologised profusely that I had indeed brought the weather with me, as they had had perfect sunshine until I arrived. It also rained all day today. Uhoh.

In other news, I picked blackberries, saw France within touching distance, crossed a river on a single unattached plank, saw a young male deer frollicking, oodles of pear trees, cherry trees, walnut trees (basically any thing on a tree I seen...except for a stupid excuse for a tween romance carving their stupid names on a tree. Thank goodness!

I also witnessed approximately 10 temper tantrums, some remarkable acrobatics, and my utter despair that after I finish this, I am officially cut off from the world... goodbye for now, here's hoping my poor mother can find me the right adaptor. Otherwise it's goodbye indefinitely.... dear goodness, please no!

Riding the bus with my sister

Before you ask, this is not a Rosie O'Donnell related blog...although the film title I have selected for the title is perhaps one of her most hilarious roles...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5osxqNncTk.

(For those who followed the link) I'm sorry you had to see that...I am not in anyway responsible for the content of the trailer, or indeed the film. But still, look up the bit about the toilet seat...makes me laugh everytime!

 This blog is in fact about my most recent travels back to Scotland. My mother (Big Bad Hezz) and I landed at Inverness airport, where on my way through security, I accidentally dropped the entirety of my toiletries into a bin and had to practically jump in it to rescue them again, and were promptly whisked away in my sister's car to her pad in Lossie. On our way there, however, we stopped for lunch. In a hippy commune. The sandwiches were nice, and there were some weiiiird people around, so all in all, it was a very enjoyable lunch time. We stopped in at the little gift shop, where there were heaps of weird statues of made up angels or something like that but we just ignored those, and went to the food section. I wanted a drink and seen a bottle called 'Rose Lemonade'. Thinking that it looked yummily like the strawberry lemonade that seems to only be available in the United States, I got a bottle. Unfortunately, it was exactly what it said on the tin. Rose flavoured lemonade. Yum. Plus, it had extract of ginger which always reminds me of being travel sick and therefore makes me a wee tad nauseous. What a nice drink.

Anyway, we eventually made it back to Kat's house and we were mightily excited for the Olympic Opening Ceremony which was happening that evening, because we are big fans of the Olympics in general.. And it's happening in our country. That doesn't happen often. Well, I may as well give my opinion on the ceremony as well, as the world and his wife seems to be weighing in on the topic. First off, let's just make this clear. I don't think the Olympics is in anyway a political statement about conservatives, the rich and the elite. I think it is what it is. A chance for the best in the world to get a chance to prove they are the best. It's a chance for the underdogs to rise, for records to be set, for amateurs to defy expectations. I thought they were brilliant, actually. The whole time the Queen and James Bond were travelling in that helicopter I was thinking 'No, no, she's not going to jump, is she??' When that stunt double was flipping through the air I almost lost it- how cool! Giant floating Voldemort was great, I liked him. Rowan Atkinson playing the keyboard was really funny. It all made me really proud. Especially when each country in the U.K got to sing their national anthem- I totally welled up at 'Danny Boy', especially as they were on the amazing Giant's Causeway- one of the many novelties of my country, another being Liam Neeson...

Beer and Olympics...yeaaaaah buddy!

We found ourselves enjoying a Corona or two, as well as some cherry seeds and once more proved our absolute class by spitting out our cherry stones into a Cath Kidston mug. Classy.

It was a bit of a late night, as the ceremony continued on until one in the morning, and by this point, it was really only me still alive, trying to guess which country was going to come out next. I was a little gutted to see that all of the track team were absent, as the wonderful beauty that is Chris Tomlinson was absent from our screens. Shame!

The cherry stone debris

Anyway, the real purpose of our visit was to help Katherine move house. So in between watching episodes of The Biggest Loser USA- which we fast forwarded and only watched the challenges and the weigh ins- we started the packing process.

We did find ourselves getting very distracted, particularly as Hezza had just acquired a Tablet, that we bought her for her birthday, and it was like watching Bambi play the Chattanooga Choo Choo on a saxophone. The funniest quote was probably 'Are those really emoticons?? I thought they were 'therefore' signs. What...just what??

Anyway, no moving day would be complete without a montage of action with an upbeat 80s hit in the background. So we took a novelty picture or two. Here we are in checked shirts, braids, and bandanas. It's all very Gilmore Girls.

We made the big move on Monday morning, bright and early. My mother and Kat's neighbour Lisa went ahead with all the stuff in a big white transit van while me and Kat drove in her car behind them, singing along to 'Where is the Love' and planning Kat's political career.

Her house in Aberdeen is goooooooooooooorgeous!! Everything has been newly rennovated, all the furniture and appliances were brand new, it had huge windows and lovely high ceilings and it had a drawbridge. Yes, you literally go across a drawbridge to enter the house. Blew my mind.

We met her lovely new housemate Rhona, we saw the local area- which has fake ski slopes really close- super jealous!! We ate mac and cheese and I set up the tv and we all had a lovely evening. Tuesday morning we went home via Aberdeen airport. What a nice, stress free little airport!! I really liked it's lay out and for once nothing went wrong in security. Yesterday afternoon I got my hair cut- noooooooo!! Never fear, avid readers, it was only a trim! I was worried that like Samson all of my strength would be deminished. Luckily, this was not the case. I also purchased some Union Jack knickers in Tesco so....Go on Team GB!!

What's next for me? I hear you ask..

Oh yeah, I'm moving to Switzerland in four days. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhh!!!!! The fear has well and truly set it!

QOTR

Butter Dancing, Ooh Lah and these are the Labandas of our lives- Barcelona 2012 (part 3-the last)

Where we left off yesterday: after a late night of dancing at the fair, an experience which prompted my continual question of 'Is this really happening?', we returned to our houses, ready for an early start the next morning.

Seeing the sights with a gentlemen friend

Saturday dawned bright and early and Josie and I were off to Barcelona for a day of doing the tourist thing, seeing sights, taking pictures, and eating nice food. We did plenty of all of those. Probably the most spectacular part of the city is the market of Saint Joseph. It has a wonderful array of every kind of fruit, vegetable, spices, sweets, sea food, sausages. We even overheard a trio of American boys asking a man at the sweet stall if this was 'where we get the mushrooms?' I could only assume either: they were particularly dopey or that the man was some kind of magic mushroom dealer.

As we wandered towards the harbour in the city, we had to wait for the bridge to be lowered as some ships were passing under. While I contended with holding my dress down against a rather blustery sea breeze, Josie spotted something truly remarkable. Her male doppelganger. He was the spitting image of her. It was hilarious. We kept a close distance between us and him as we made our way across and somehow Josie managed to capture a photo of him, in all his double denim glory.

Sunday night paella with the group

 We sat down at a sea view cafe and ate our way through a sizeable ham and mushroom pizza and a refreshing cerveza. The staff were very attentive towards us, saying 'Ah, we will give you our best table!' On the downside, there was a huge queue for the bathroom. Not ideal. After a few choice purchases in some clothes stores, a lengthy search for a Zara store, and a refreshing mix of sorbets (I had raspberry and passionfruit) we made our way back on the train towards our houses.

In the evening, we enjoyed a dinner together and then, as we so loved the dancing of the night before, we made our way back to the fair for another go. Unfortunately, when we made it to the dance floor, a conga line was started and we found ourselves standing alone without a soul to conga with so we made a quick retreat. Plus, there was no more foam. On the plus side, a dead ringer for Dylan from Modern Family came to dinner.

Waving to our fans

We went to see a band perform, accompanied by Eva and Laura. Unfortunately they were a bit too 1980s hair band for our liking, plus they didn't sing any songs I was familiar with. A couple of funny incidents did happen while we were there though. A dreadlocked man holding a tiny dog greeted Eva very familarly so I had to ask 'Is that a friend of yours?' She assured us he was not. It became a game though. There was a man drumming on imaginary drums so it seemed only natural to ask 'Friend of yours?' once more. Two children attacked Josie with some seeds from a tree. They hid out of sight. Josie turned to me and said in a hushed and worried whisper 'I think someone just threw a raisin at me'. I haven't laughed so hard in ages!! Tears actually streamed down my cheeks! The children ran for it out of harm's way and all that remained was the debris of seeds surrounding Josie from many attempted throws.

On Sunday, we went for a trip to a beach near to Barcelona. We were very relieved to have a beach umbrella with us as there were an abundance of tourists going lobster red all around us. Unfortunately, the umbrella moved and just one of my legs got really burnt. As usual. In the evening, after having a time to freshen up, we were being treated to a huge traditional paella cooked by Alfonso.

Getting ready to board the Titanic

Dressed up in our finery, it was such a treat to wear my high heels for a change from flip flops, we mosied over for dinner. The paella was delicious! It's a shame I don't like seafood more but I attempted to try everything and the rice and vegetable part of it was lovely!

It was strange to think at that point that we only had one more week until we would be gone. Watching the aeroplanes from the beach, we pointed out that this would be us in a week. Terribly sad about it!

The gang enjoying a traditional British dinner

Our Disney Channel 'We've done a cooking montage and are now covered in flour!' picture

The last week of class was reasonably stress free as we only had the four children to teach. We attempted a lesson on the United Kingdom and Ireland one day but the only real part of that lesson that was appreciated was when we made shortbread as a class. Let's be honest, I appreciated the shortbread part of class too!  There were many examples of our questionably good influence where we just had to say 'Good Babysitting', as I mentioned in Part 1, and lots of these happened in the third week. Probably the funniest was when at lunch time one day Vicky ate a few drops of Tabasco sauce. Most adults might have said, 'Don't eat any more, it's hot.' I, on the other hand, raised him one extra drop, turning it into a competition. I just like a good competition!

On Thursday, we were very sad to say 'Goodbye' to Marc as he went off to Oxford for two weeks of English school. I went with Eva to the airport to leave him off and it was very strange to not be the first one leaving but to have one of the youngsters leave instead. We've been such good friends since I first went to Barcelona and we've always had such nice conversations about music and television and films. He's always been more of a friend than a student. I was a little emotional because I don't know when I will next see any of them. I really value meeting everybody and hope to see them all soon.

Things soon returned to normal with a trip that afternoon to the mall. We were buying ingredients for the big British dinner we were going to cook the next evening for dinner. Accompanied by Vicky and Fablo, we soon found all of our food ingredients and enjoyed a leisurely stroll around the shopping centre. I bought a Swatch watch and Josie bought another African candle- she just looooves them! A bit of a craze started off while at this mall trip. Josie mentioned Chilli Con Carne (as you do) and the children were like 'What? What's that?' After repeating Chilli Con Carne a few times to no avail, I adopted the phrase for a bit of a song. It was a good way to incorporate another of our latest pleasures. Vicky had a habit of saying 'Ooooh Lah!' as an exclamation of delight or surprise and we had all taken to doing it too because it's really fun to say. Anyway, the new song goes like this:

Final slushie with Laura

Chilli Con Carne
Chilli Con Carne
Chilli Con Carne
Oooooh Lah!

We all took great delight in repeating the song like a mantra the whole way around the mall. Plus, there was cheese shaped like a cow's udder so that needed to be pointed out to us by all three children!!

In the car, leaving Laura to camp in the mountains

The last few days were happening and we couldn't believe it when the final day of class on Friday came to an end and we were finished teaching. We got to work preparing our dinner, which consisted of: Toad in the hole, cauliflower cheese, green beans, cheesy mashed potatoes and an onion gravy. It all went down very well, and dinner was a success, except for the abundance of mosquitoes who were gnawing on our legs like our blood was gourmet cuisine in a fat camp.

We were presented with lovely clothes from Eva and Sandra which we were delighted to receive. My jumper I got, which was a meshed sort of design, Eva explained, would need to have a top on underneath as there would be big gaps. Xavi, the legend that he is, said 'Well, it depends on the occasion.' Haha! After some late night zombie tennis with the children, we bid adieu to our Friday nights.

On Saturday, we were leaving Laura to camp in the mountains in the afternoon. In the morning I went round to Josie's house, attempted to make a quiche, failed, and turned it into a jam roly poly. After a lovely lunch, and two glasses of French sherry, we headed to the mountains to an old Spanish castle where there were an abundance of children. It was strange to also say goodbye to Laura, little princess, and have no children left in the house I was staying in!  Plus, it was strange to be laughed at for our mosquito-bitten legs by several people leaving off their children.Actually, it wasn't that strange. We probably did look ridiculous.

Going to sleep: Josie, Laura, me and Vicky

On Saturday night, I joined Josie and her family for fondue and mojitos. It was a fantasticly strange night of lots of dropped meat, several gollum impressions (mostly by me...), a brief gun fight between me and the boys and lots of lovely food. It was a perfect way to spend our last evening, especially when we were called into the boys' bedroom to see them pretending to be midgets. They were running round the house with Crocs on their knees, riding micro scooters with Crocs on their knees, and creeping around in hooded dressing gowns like tiny brightly coloured Dementors.

As Sunday morning dawned, we assembled, bags packed, everybody said goodbye to, attired in our jeans. It was very sad to say goodbye to Eva at the road side as we drove off. She has been so kind to us every time we have visited, making sure there is nothing else we could possibly require. I hope to see her again very soon too!

We were being driven to the airport by Sandra, Alfonso, Vicky and Fablo (who had to sit on a seat in the boot, next to our suitcases.) It was a strange journey, a bit like the end of an episode of the Hills (mostly due to the pop music and the road and the sun), with the occasional scream from Fablo as he got squashed by our massive suitcases. They brought us the whole way through the airport process, right until the doors of security, and it was a perfect ending that the last thing we heard was a final group rendition of 'Chilli Con Carne, Chilli Con Carne, Chilli Con Carne, ooh La!'

My trip to Barcelona has been amazing, I have got to catch up with all my friends, I have met some great new people, I have discovered many new and strange things to say and do, and I finally have slightly golden skin rather than pasty pasty white.

Goodbye, Sant Cugat, I hope to see you and your lovely, wacky residents again soon!!

Butter Dancing, Ooh Lah and these are the Labandas of our lives- Barcelona 2012 (part 2)

Here we are again. At the start of the second week. I realise I left you with some rather sizeable cliff hangers at the end of yesterday's post and I am sure you are delighted to know that I can now answer at least one of these questions (although rabbit is still an enigma so it won't be that question I respond to!). So now, sit back, grab a large mug of coffee/tea/medication and let's begin the fabled journey into my troubling thought processes.

First off, much to Josie's delight, when we returned to our house on that Sunday from Santa Cristina, she was informed that she would be moving this evening to her new address. So in the evening we went to the other house, grabbed all of her possessions and mosied on over to the next place where she would be staying. Casa de Labanda. We were introduced to the mother, father, and the two sons Victor (Vicky) and Pablo (Fablo)*the author's nicknames. In a rather confusing way, Eva said she was returning to the other house so I went with her as far as the entrance way to the other building, but she then drove off and I couldn't get back into their house because the door had been shut so I just mooched along the pavement feeling like Avril Lavigne and ended up beating Eva back to her house like a disobedient child.

That night, Josie came round and we watched the Euro 2012 football final between Spain and Italy. It was a pretty great time to be in Spain actually, as every time one of the goals were scored, fireworks would light up the entire sky here as people celebrated. We vicariously rejoiced as part of the country. The Spanish team were much more attractive anyway, plus I knew some of their names, so it felt like the right team to support!

Josie and I with little Bea apres-swim

 The next morning a new format of class was on the table. In the mornings I became responsible for collecting a 7 year old, two 8 year olds and a 10 year old from their house each morning, teaching them English for a few hours, supervise their playtime in the pool, let them run wild with my camera and phone, and then bring them home again for their lunch at 2. The journey was usually during hot hot sun but I managed to have a good time while accompanied by Laura. We sang 'Call Me Maybe' with actions the whole way there and back each day, which was the best song around, until we heard this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qTIGg3I5y8. The new obsession then had to be saying 'But you've got COOKIES'.

Josie and I with Carlos, Bea and Iqthea

By the time lunch time rolled around, I was always kind of relieved though to just be with the four other children and Josie. It's kind of exhausting being the constant focus of camera attention. I think I finally understand a little the celebrity mentality of losing your mind a little bit. That didn't stop me from occasionally super pouting and hand on hip-ing in true Paris Hilton style. I couldn't help it, the photographer was the cutest little boy in the world!!

Me and Carlos

Slushie Time L-R: Josie, Laura, Marc, Pablo, Victor and I

Now, there aren't many boys around Sant Cugat who are the same age as J and I so we were rather surprised one afternoon that Marc, Vicky and Fablo were all high fiving a random boy, with his arm in a sling. They chatted for a few moments, in which we were introduced to this boy and I couldn't resist a twirl of my pigtail. Not that he was particularly alluring. I just hadn't seen someone my age in a long time. The next day, as we flopped around the pool like sea lions, we came across another boy almost identical with the earlier met one and discovered that we were dealing with twins. What are the chances! There was even talk of them needing some private English lessons... there was also a friend, clad in a red speedo, shooting us a nice view down the barrel of the gun from the other end of the pool. The swimming pool is a dangerous place when you are as white and chunky as us, particularly when accompanied by a large herd of tanned children. At one point, we provided entertainment for what seemed to be an entire football team on one of the balconies. Some other pool characters: an angry man who liked to shout at the boys in the afternoon when they were all playing football. He looked like Joey from Friends and always looked a bit like he was saying 'How You Doing?' when he smiled at us. There was also a 'super-polite' Brazilian boy called Ougo (no idea about the spelling!) who was constantly greeting us. We were knowingly informed by Marc that 'He's a liar. He says he's eleven but we all know he's thirteen.' Why would someone lie about their age?? Do young people not want to be older anymore?? He was always around. Even when we tried to teach classes, he'd show up.  It wasn't so bad until the children started pretending Josie and I were in love with him and kept trying to introduce us once more to him.

Hank from X-Men

In the afternoons we would go for slushies. The man in the shop remembered us from last year and you could see his face falling when he seen our herd coming from the haze of heat across the square. The photo above is a classic example of the Hank Factor. We all try and epitomise Hank by becoming as blue tongued as possible. It's quite a game.

Being taught how to roll my -rrrrrrs by a seven year old.

 When we weren't slushying with the children, we'd be herded off to the shopping centre or to the city with the assumption that we couldn't possibly be happy just sitting around doing nothing much in our evenings. The main highlights of our trip to Sant Cugat city were when Josie tried to take a picture of the street and a bald man got all up in the forefront and then she tried to take another picture of the same thing and ANOTHER baldy got in the way!! What are the chances?? The other highlight was when we went into a furniture and appliances shop as we tended to do, and we stumbled upon these salt and pepper shakers shaped like those dolls with the eyelids that shut. Josie, picking a set up, said 'Can you imagine if the eyes actually shut when these lie down?' Our loud exclamation of 'Aaaaaagh!' certainly surprised the shop keeper when they were tipped and did in fact look to be sleeping. Crrreeeeepy!

Josie is a bear?

I am a bear?

When we went to the shopping centre we usually meandered half-heartedly through the clothes stores, spent some time -oohing and -aaahing over various furnishings in the Casa home store and then messed around, trying not to vomit when gross men made noises at us. One day we walked past this outdoors shop that had a ginormous cut out of a bear, one of those things where you can stick your head through. We asked each other 'Do we dare?' a few times as we walked past, went for a cursory meander around the store, then thought, 'Can we really embarass ourselves much more than we already have?' and snuck over with camera ready to efficiently take the picture of both of us.  Usually our trips to the mall would culminate with a nice round of 'I Like Spanish Men who...' where we came up with funny people we had encountered and their odd habits. It was a really wonderful game, suitable for which ever country you visit!

Bea, Carlos and I

One night while we were just looking after Marc and Laura, we were making dinner and there was a sudden CHICKPEA EXPLOSION! They started leaping up out of the frying pan and jumping around the kitchen. I quickly tried to re-gather the chickpeas amongst our laughter but one was sitting on the hob and when I reached down to pick it up, it leaped up at me so high that I screamed. The children will be recounting that tale for years to come! We enjoyed an episode of 'Jessie' on Disney Channel (could there have been a more appropriate show??) with our dinner and the chickpeas actually tasted great!

Foam a little foam of me. Ahh word play...

With the arrival of the weekend, I bid adieu to my week of teaching the little ones, feeling tired but pleased to have filled up my camera slightly. With the arrival of the weekend, the city also got ready to have a weekend long fair in the streets of the town. At about 11 o'clock on Friday night, I was doing a crossword and contemplating pjs when I had a phone call from Josie inviting Marc and I to go to the fair with her and Vicky and Fablo. It was fascinating. There was candyfloss bigger than our heads, dodgems, shooting games and....a dance floor. Leaving the children with their friends at the dodgems, Josie and I went towards the dance floor, where we brought out our dodgiest moves while Robbie Williams 'Rock DJ' was playing. For about 15 minutes, it was just us and this other strange pair of women dancing and a lot of people just standing watching us. With the arrival of YMCA and 'Follow the Leader' the crowds perked up a bit and we all started dancing group numbers together in lines, led by women dancing on the stage. Then, suddenly, FOAM came out and it turned into a FOAM PARTY!!! We were all splashing around in foam when 'Dancing Queen' by Abba came on. Tossing foam in the air with Josie while singing along to the music, I felt like we really were Romy and Michelle, and we were really having the best time being possibly the biggest losers there. When the other weird pair of women came and danced with us I suddenly realised 'People are going to think we're all together. Great.'

With this lovely image in the forefront of your minds, I will finish part two. Here's a few questions: Will we return to the fair on Saturday? Will we do anything else exciting? Will I ever explain the components of the title of this blog. All will be revealed tomorrow!

QOTR

Butter Dancing, Ooh Lah and these are the Labandas of our lives- Barcelona 2012 (part 1)

'Sipping our Corona like there's nothing going on' Who is that behind?? Ooooh!

For the third year running, I returned to Barcelona, or more specifically, Sant Cugat del Valles. I have had such good times in the past two summers that I was certain I would likewise have a whale of a time this year. I was not disappointed. I headed off Monday 25th from Leeds Bradford airport, accompanied by my good buddy, Josie E. Campbell. We got on the plane and were bopping along to 'Sexy and I know it', kindly played by Jet2, doing crosswords, and, in Josie's case, sleeping like a baby. Of course, whenever the dreaded trolley was hear coming, I felt the need to feign sleep as an avoidance method.

Josie, Marc and I doing 'Sitting on Da Toilet' face

We arrived to sweltering heat and an customs man saying 'Buenas Dias' with a grin as we were waved through. I sent a text to Xavi, the father of our family, and after a surprising phone call with the suddenly grown up sounding Marc, we cheek kissed all around and were whisked away in the car towards home. It felt wonderful to be back in a place that was so familiar and so beautiful to look at. The familiar view of Hospital General heralded our arrival to where we were going. I had a quick reunion with Nana the dog before we dressed for a pre-lunch swim and a reunion with all of our usual children: Marc, Laura, Tatiana and Marta (who are M and Ls cousins).

The first week's class was pretty uneventful but mid week we did have a lovely trip into Barcelona with Marc and his grandparents. We went to see Palace Guell and the huge market and the Titanic exhibition (which was very surreal to see in Spain!!) We had a lovely time and were quickly getting consumed in the usual flurry of activity that is a trip to Sant Cugat and their whirl wind lifestyle. Mercedes, the cleaner, pronounced me as being 'muy bonito' this year so I was pleased with that! The weekend saw both Josie and I pretty nervous because we were about to find out our final grades for university. We were heading towards the lovely Santa Cristina on the Costa Brava so arranged for Ruthie to text us the grand results because we'd be in the car. The sounds of Spain CD was the perfect remedy for worrying and I soon found my shoulders bopping along merrily. Finding out we had both done great in our degrees only made the whole journey more pleasant.

After a brief stop at the supermarket in which Nana frisked around the car like a lunatic for approx. five minutes, we made it to the house and hear the first sweet sounds of the golf being played on the beautiful gold course abutting the garden. After a quick lunch of fresh bread and lovely meat, we packed our bags and headed to the beach for a day of relaxing. The weather was just gorgeously perfect and we went for several refreshing dips in the sea. On one such occasion, Josie and I were merrily wading in the water when a series of rapid, choppy waves barrelled into us. We consistently attempted to gain our footing only to be knocked back down by the waves. Eventually we were washed right onto the shore like two beached whales and we just lay there laughing at our misfortune, much to the amusement of a dreadlocked man we seemed to have gained as a fan. There are few things in life quite as unfortunate as trying to discreetly empty an abundance of pebbles from your swimming costume. Except perhaps dread locked men. Or fat men in red speedos who survey the beach from their uncomfortable vantage point.

The one serious problem with the beach was as to why everybody sees the need to go topless in Spain. Every direction you were to look, all you could see was naked chests. It was thoroughly disconcerting!!

Later on in the day, we returned to the house for a jaunt along the soft soft grass of the golf course, feeling like the famous five as we were accompanied by Marc, his friend and a dog named Dana (not Big Nana as we called her) or Julian, Dick and Timmy if you will allow! Josie and I sensed the nearby sprinklers had turned on so we ran towards them, shrieking with glee and went for a refreshing run through the good strong jet of the sprinklers. We then played a spectacular game of football with the boys in which we lost (or did we win???) and then, thoroughly exhausted, we felt the need to retire.

The next day was full of similar frivolity. Marc had acquired two new obsessions on Youtube. One was a woman sitting on a toilet singing 'Sitting on Tha Toilet' and the other was watching people do the Cinnamon Challenge. Before the day  was out, both had been attempted by us. We got called into the bathroom by Marc at one point and he was just sitting there, singing the song. It was hilarious! Later on, he pretended to do the Cinnamon Challenge while we filmed it. Thus occurred the first instance of us declaring 'Good Babysitting, eh?' to each other while laughing. The night was a late bed time for Josie and I as we laughed our way through about two hours of lying in bed. This was when we first discovered the strange man in the background of one of our pictures doing an 'Ooooh I like that' face, quite by accident. I attempted to dress like the woman from 'Sitting on Tha Toilet', we took a hideously hilarious picture which has since been deleted but shall always be imprinted on my brain, and drew faces with different facial expressions on our legs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bje_8Y7KUfM

There was an awkward situation with some nearly consumed rabbit lbeeeeurgh and the following day a sudden storm meant we were bidding good bye to Santa Cristina and heading home. The journey stared off hilariously with Marc holding his arm out the window with a bag of rubbish and I was genuinely concerned that we would be driving the whole way home like this. Oh the relief when I discovered we were merely going to the bin.

The first week of my stay in Barcelona was the beginning of the stuff of legends. There were several unresolved questions though. Where would Josie be living once we went back to Sant Cugat? (Marta and Tatiana had gone away to stay with their dad so we were no longer teaching them and their mother wanted Josie out of her house so she could be alone with her new boyfriend) Would I ever do the Cinnamon Challenge? And why does rabbit smell so revolting when it is cooking??

Join me for the next installment imminently (when I have a break for some food and possibly a sleep)

QOTR