Listen world wide! Better yet, take a picture of me with a Kodak!

I've decided something this morning. Bear in mind, this will most likely only be a phase but, for now:
If you could think of a way which ensured you were entirely distinctive, memorable and just downright charming, wouldn't you do anything to make sure you could maintain that way of life? Exactly! Well, guys and girls, I know what I'm going to do. If any of you savvy geniuses that read my blog (which is obviously all of you!) have noticed by the title of this entry, I am taking inspiration from one Senor Pitbull, or Armando Christian Pérez as his mother calls him, or Armie as I call him when we're alone ;)

What I've noticed this morning, as I tried to break up the mundanity of a Friday in the house, when the weather STILL hasnt breached 10 degrees, (in APRIL!) is that listening to Pitbull can make me feel exceedingly and unexpectedly chipper. This isn't just because I love rapping, or because he has an insane way of making you feel like part of the party, but because his rather famous way of shouting various accolades and delights at the start of a song seems to not only make him laugh but also makes me want to laugh along with his delightfully boyish chortle.

I'll give you an example of some of his most well-known PSJ, or pre-song jargon as it's known in full. Should I copyright this?? I just google searched and no one else has ever used this term on the internet. Sweeet, Pre-Song Jargon is now officially mine- but that's neither here nor there, sorry Pitbull!

"Me not working hard?
Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak
Or better yet, go to Times Square
Take a picture of me with a Kodak
Took my life from negative to positive
I just want y'all to know that
And tonight, let's enjoy life
Pitbull, Nayer, Ne-yo, Tesra"

(the PSJ of 'Give Me Everything')

 "To these rappers I apologize, I know it ain't fair
Only ball I drop, New Years Times Square
The world is mine, sixth sense, I see the seven signs
Now baby, let's get started for life"

(the PSJ of 'Get It Started')

"You don't get them girls loose loose (TJR!)
You don't get the world loose loose
You don't get money move move
But I do I do
You don't get them girls loose loose
You don't get the world loose loose
You don't get money move move
But I do I do

I said, y'all having a good time out there"


(the PSJ of 'Don't Stop the Party')


Now, I'm not saying his PSJ is the dreams of a post-deconstructionalist modernist bongo-banging poetry reading, but it has the carefree jokey banter of a warm up act at a comedy stand up, of a drunk Uncle's speech at a wedding, of an extremely sassy and funny rapper- and I really dig this!


So, that's why I decided I was going to take to following a few Pitbull lessons in my conversation, and I have listed these for your much needed benefit also. You're welcome.



1. It's both a handy way to remind an acquaintance of your name, and a good way to make an entrance into a room, by announcing your name like a slogan.
Here's a scene where it could be used:
Person 1: What a fab party we are having
Person 2: Yes, so fab!
Person 1: There's that girl/boy, what's her/his name again?
Person 2: I do believe I've forgotten as well
You (for example purposes you are called Joey): Listen room, it's me again, hahaahahaha, JOEY!
Person 1 and 2: Ehhhhhhh Joey! You rock!

Perfection.

2. You're trying to chat up a really dreamy boy/girl in a club, but you're having a mental block so that all you can think of is the lyrics to your favourite children song?  No problemo, amigo! Take a lesson from Pitbull again. Think you can remember the word 'sexy'? You're sorted! Pitbull used the song 'If you're happy and you know it' replacing the word happy with 'sexy'...obviously!
Here's an example for you, feel free to use it Chief!
"Baa  Baa SEXY sheep, have you any wool?" Not having the desired effect? Here's another one
"This little SEXY went to market, this little SEXY stayed at home, this little SEXY had roast beef, and this little SEXY had none, and this little SEXY said "Hey Joey, you're so funny, can I have your number?"

You scored!

3. A little bit of self confidence goes a long way. Let's face it. You're great. Who wouldn't want you, amigo? Take a lesson from my main man, and here I use the example of the song 'I Know You Want Me'- the proof is in the pudding (or title, as this case is). This song, coincidentally, for those lucky enough to have witnessed me in Second Year of Uni, in my own livingroom (that limits it down a bit!) is a great little number for busting some major ballroom dancing moves with your nearest massively enthusiastic Bruno Tanioli adjacent friend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3_WBVgpoC0 

WATCH THE VIDEO!

A few points to learn from the actual video
*Look fresh, preferably in a large black overcoat and sunglasses inside
*If you're not sure if she ACTUALLY wants you, laugh it off. 'Do you remember me? Mr World Wide?'
'No....'
'Hahahaahah! I know you want me.'
*Be so confident that they all want you that you can slouch with your hands in your pockets and shrug whenever they come near to you.
*Make sure everyone knows you can communicate in at least two languages. Bi-linguality is the best!

I hope you all learnt some things

4. Final point, never forget where you came from or who your collaborators are. Pitbull always announces his collaborators at the PSJ of a duet, people matter. Haters gonna hate, Pitbull learnt a lot of lessons of coming from nothing and becoming incredibly successful. I think this is highlighted in his song 'Back In Time' and if you ever find yourself in a verbal stand-off with some little skunky punk, I recommend you shout these lyrics at them (with your shades on to hide your tears)

"Ok, I'm tryin' make a billion out of 15 cents
Understand, understood
I’m a go-getter, mover, shaker, culture, bury a boarder, record-breaker won’t cha
Give credit where credit is due don’t cha
Know that I don't give a number two
Y'all just halfway thoughts
Not worth the back of my mind
But to understand the future we have to go back in time"

Finally, always have the last laugh. No matter what happens. You can counteract anything by a little bit of counting and a big joyful chortle
"Hahahaah!"
 

Ode to my housemates

Today was a sad day. The first of my friends moved out of our house here in Lancaster. It's the strangest feeling ever, because you can say things will still be the same and that nothing is going to change but can we ever guarantee such a thing? We all want to do such different and great things with our lives, when we see each other, will we still be the same people? Will they all still be the best friends I've ever had.

Enjoying the cold and fireworks: Josie, Ruthie, Hannah and I

Three years ago, I met three girls on my first day of university. We've been inseparable and together ever since. The longest we've spent apart has been holidays. Even in summer we usually met up at least once. But now- it's truly over. The next time we're all together will be in over a month's time, wearing dodgy used black robes and enduring one of the most boring saddest days of our lives: graduation. I can't believe it.

At our favourite tapas spot for Josie's 21st this week

 Anyway, in this post I just wanted to mention how much I'm going to miss them all. I know it's exciting to be going out on our own but I know that they were meant to be my best friends. I can't imagine I'll ever meet any body I so connect with again. That sort of thing only happens once in a lifetime.

When I grow up I wanna be: Our leaving party

Let me tell you about my friends. Hannah is the wackiest, loudest, strangest little nutjob I've ever met. She comes out with amazing one liners but other times she won't have a clue what's going on! She loves Disney and toys and wacky jewellery and is full of surprises. We became friends straight away in first year when we had our rooms next to each other and realised that we listened to almost identically the same kinds of music. We've stayed close throughout the whole three years, even becoming branded as Crannah like we were some kind of celebrity couple.

Josie and I at Valentine's Day dinner at 1725

Josie is my blonde soulmate. Because every body needs a hair companion! We've been in class together for three years, surviving the cliques and cliches and phallic symbolisms of, well, everything in English. We bonded over playing our instruments and liking chick flicks and period dramas and being, quite frankly, a little bit weird. We have wild laughing fits at the strangest things, whether it was tiny tiny squirrels or rustling crisp packets or our brief stint in choir at university. Last summer we went to Barcelona together to au pair and that only made us closer. We're returning there in a week in a half for what I'm sure will be bucket loads more of whimsy!
 

Hannah and I at Christmas dinner

Ruthie Byrne, you must use her full name, has always been Ruthie to us. Never her given name of Ruth. She's taken abuse for being ginger, it is the U.K way after all, and survived the many weird collages we stuck in her room every time she dared leave the house. She's a wonderful little person, who is always good to have a Lord of the Rings marathon with, or talk about Game of Thrones, or watch Jane Austen films with, or watch Harry Potter. She reads a lot of books, like I do, so we always have loads to talk about. She's hilarious because most of the time she keeps a really straight face and is so sensible but then she'll do something so completely mental that you can't quite believe it when it happens! Such as donning a poncho and moustache and pretending to be a Mexican...

Ruthie and I at Bonfire Night in the park

So that's my gang: an eclectic mix of lunatics, who would rather sing songs and to lumberjack themed ballet in checked shirts, would rather make roast dinners and have themed parties, would rather midget run up stairs or play 'Irish Granny's handbag' while I imitate an Elderly Irish woman off to market while wearing a tea towel atop, yes atop, my head, than ever dream of going out to a night club. We've been through it all together: mean people, fights, the time someone switched around my spy hole and we all freaked out, strange encounters with people we never talked to again, Rainbow House and the big fall out, stalking Jehovah's Witnesses, explaining the intricacies of life to Hannah- again and again- dragging Christmas trees home, recording our own Covergirl commercials, making puppet shows and playing in the snow, wearing vampire fangs and pretending to be huge babies, weird neighbours and 5000 pound horses, laughs, tears and really odd impressions of each other. 

Just before Josie left this morning

The Brady Bunch

And now, here we are, at the end of the earth. At the end of life as we knew it. Wondering what we'll be facing next or where we are going to end up. Nothing but a few predictions of what'll happen in our, hopefully, bright futures. Where we'll go, who knows? I just wanted to write this post to say: I love you three and it's been a blast! I hope we keep in touch and are always a part of each others' lives. When one of you gets married, I'll be back to celebrate with you, probably covered in cats, wishing you joy and happiness. When one of you discovers the next big thing in life, I'll be there wanting some of your millions, after all...I invented Post-It notes!!! ;)

Thanks for the memories, see you all at graduation for one final boy band air jump!

QOTR