Fun things to do during the revision period (definitely not including revision)

As I reach the last day of April, it appears some sort of alarm bell has gone off in everybody's head regarding the upcoming nuptials of exams and students. (I thought a wedding reference would lighten up the laborious process of exams). So exams, what are they? I would define them as being agonizing hand-cramping hours of trying to remember every little detail of every little thing you've learnt all year, with the added pressure of a clock ticking down your minutes and the added threat of failing out of life if you fail a uni exam. Regretfully, the only sign of revision in my room has been setting out the books I will eventually have to re-read. I also skim read a past paper. ONE. Well, I don't see the point of rushing into revising to be honest. My first exam is still a MONTH away- yes, when everybody else is finished within the next few weeks, I won't even have started. Botheration!

So, as I have no intention of over-exerting myself with revising, particularly when I have to answer questions that'll have no impact whatsoever on my life, anybody else's life, or the world as a whole, but rather ludicrous things like 'How did Shakespeare's beard length influence his Elizabethan plays compared with his Jacobean plays?' All I can think is 'WHO CARES???' And I suppose this is a bad way to be for an English Lit student but I'm sooooooo close to being finished and getting out of education that I've just reached that inevitable point. Anyway, before I get carried away on a tangent, here's a few things to do INSTEAD of revision.

1) Learn a new hobby/skill/language. This is a favourite of mine. What better time can there be than when you're finally succeeding at focusing your mind for the first time in the academic year to learn something new? Over the past two years, I've self-taught myself Spanish, improved my German and taken up amateur photography. This year I might become a sculptor, who knows!

2) Eat. There's no better time to eat like Henry VIII (or insert other fat monarch here) than when you're stuck indoors gaining a grey pallour and not getting much exercise. It'll give you an excellent opportunity in the future to get annoyed with yourself for ruining your long-sought but never obtained holiday body. I find myself turning into Barefoot Contessa (or insert other plump TV chef here) and creating elaborate meals and exclaiming things like 'The added rosemary was genius- GENIUS!' and 'This definitely needs a little chilli powder.'

3) Exercise. This kind of counteracts all the hard work of the second idea but if you're as lucky as I am to have incredibly slow metabolism, it's probably won't cut down your king-ly love handles that much. Go outside. Go to the gym. Go swimming (haha NOT a chance after what happened in my last post!!!). Wind or rain- be out there. Scorn the buses of peasants. You're better than transport. You have legs! Unless you don't....ohhh, awkward! Even if it just means lifting a tiny tiny dungbell half-heartedly while watching a talkshow, it still counts! And let's face it, you got out of revising just a little bit, right?

4)Become a secret operative. You are James Bond, baby. Twitch those curtains. Rock in a chair in front of your window. Your neighbours are DEFINITELY going to be doing something interesting. Even if they're at work. Strain your eyes for a glimpse of something suspicious in the neighbourhood. Report it to your friends. Your enemies. Whoever will listen. Wear dark glasses. Roll across the floor holding a pretend gun. Listen to the theme from Mission Impossible on your iPod. That's it. You'll catch the great garden gnome stealer if you just keep watching. Or whoever it is that keeps sending us the SAME TAKEAWAY MENU!!!!

5)Gossip. There's no better time to make a few new enemies than when you should be keeping quiet and reading your books. Just keep talking. Talk to anyone who wants to talk to you. Talk about anyone. Become your own downfall. If you just keep talking eventually you'll find a topic you haven't discussed before. Everybody does it. Why revise and be quiet when you can not revise and be a terrible gossip??

So, there you have it. That's what I'll be doing rather than revising. What'll you be doing? Better go, I just heard a car door slam and those curtains aren't going to twitch themselves!

QOTR