Chrissy's Teens, Casper and a little bit of ah Bisto!

Hello my merry readers!

Following from a recent, and very random, conversation I had with my sister, and as nobody seems to be suggesting any golden sort of path to my dream job, I have come up with a selection of the jobs that, in an ideal world, I would be amazing at. Prepare yourself, this is all kinds of clever!

A logical place to start (that's me- the logical queen!) is from whence (WHENCE is a great word) this whole thing began. Recently I've been working as an English Tutor and the main thing I've learnt, as well as that anything  a 12 year old boy finds funny I will too, is that the only pupils I get are boys. It is English tuition, I suppose. And I enjoy it. This got me to thinking that if the world in my imagination was real, I'd be Jo March and start my own school for boys.

I can just see us all: gathered around a big rustic oak table, me with a sensible outfit and nice hair bun, my German professor husband at the opposite end, our array of miscreant and mischievous boys in between. They'd be a messy, funny bunch and I'd teach them all sorts of lessons aside from their school subjects. How to apologise after a fight. How to treat a lady. How to become  a little gentleman. And we'd have all sorts of rollicks around the surrounding countryside, and trips out in the wagon, or on wild horses. And they'd be Chrissy's Teens, rather than Jo's Boys.


Come and learn, one and all!
 

Possible pitfalls: I'm not married to a German professor. (More's the pity) I don't have a rich relative likely to leave me her lovely old historic house upon her demise in order to start my school.

Plus points: It would be such fun! And Jo March has always been a bit of a similar character to me I think.

Should this obviously fool-proof plan not work out, I have several other options. Obviously.


Next on my list is the highly lucrative and useful occupation of being the supernatural element in a house/car/supermarket. There'd be a great audience for it. Everyone loves a good scare. Except me. But I AM the scary thing so that works out great! 
Picture the scene, friends. You show up at the haunted house and there's all sorts of crazy inexplicable things happen. Somebody knocks a chair over. You feel a shiver on your neck. You hear someone brewing an old-school kettle. You hear someone playing Guitar Hero...but no one turned the game on. Spoooooky!

So, obviously, there aren't going to be too many downsides to this role. Here's a few pitfalls and positives.

Positives: Getting to be mischievous for large parts of the day. Getting to sneak around in soft-soled shoes with or without a white sheet, depending on authenticity level needed. Not having to worry about your appearance/getting to dress in period costumes and getting to snoop around cool houses.

Pitfalls: Long, lonely hours. Spending so much time alone that you start singing 'Everytime' by Britney Spears and pretending you're in a music video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YzabSdk7ZA

 

   Should yet another brilliant scheme not work out, I have a plan three. One of my favourite things in this great and random world is the Roast Dinner. A British classic. Any family member or friend I've lived with can vouch for my obscene enjoyment of this Sunday treat. There was the time I was dared to drink a load of gravy. Obviously I was successful. There were the long years I was told off for my terrible dinner manners and eating speed on Roast Dinner day. What could be a better job for a maniac like me than being an official Roast Dinner taster?? Doesn't even have to be good quality, I'll eat any and happily mark it!

Picture it: I could while away my hours eating endless roast meats, the delicious nectar that is gravy, as much broccoli as my little heart might desire, and SO. MUCH. POTATO!!!!

Pitfalls: I will get really really fat. I will spend a large part of my life shouting "Ah Bisto!!!" to everyone's mutual chagrin. I might get sick of Roast Dinners? On second thought, no I won't. Ever.

  If even that genius plan doesn't happen, there's one more option (that I can think of today). The spotlight is calling me. Well, specifically, only one single spotlight is calling me. It is the spotlight of the Christmas TV Movie. The cheesier the better please. I can just see myself: Wearing red jumpers, sharing toasts with other shiny actors and actresses, listening to an endless stream of Christmas song covers, getting to be covered in fake studio snow all year round!!! What unparalleled delights for an  attention-seeking Christmas fanatic like myself. My range would be soooo diverse: elf, cupid, female Santa, Mrs Claus, unlucky in love Christmas fanatic, estranged mother/daughter looking for a reunion...the list is endless!

Positives: A constant supply of Christmas cheer, red jumpers and themed props.

Pitfalls: Constant exposure to plastic turkeys so if I risk the anger of a manorexic Brad Pitt wannabe on set it is the perfect murder weapon- blow to the head by plastic turkey. Oh boy, what a way to go!                                                                                
 So there you have it, guys and girls, four of my very possible job roles if my imagination could invent a need for these. If anyone has anymore options, I will consider. Until then:

Merry Christmas, my ghostly teens! I hope you enjoy it and many more Roast Dinners to go. Ah....Bisto.

A Conversation with the ChristineBot

Hello friends!

In the last few days, when I've been gripped by boredom, annoyance or when I've felt a little bit 'grim about the mouth', I've been playing with something I found on Facebook that has provided much hilarity. Using previous words you've written as statuses or comments on Facebook, it generates sentences that are supposed to be potential statuses for you. I'm not sure if this is a true reflection (it probably is) but every status it generates for me is absolute madness and nonsense. So, I thought it would be fun to interview myself and use only answers that were actual generations by the computer. Questions will be asked by me, answers given by my robot equivalent. Let hilarity ensue!

 Interview with the Christine Bot

C: I'm joined today by ChristineBot, and it has been a long time since we last spoke like this. Welcome, ChristineBot, How are you?

 CB: We come together cuz I'm dressed like a lovely purple colour though! Yep, indeedy, had a sad day thank you

C: Well, that's very true, I suppose. I'm sorry to hear you've had a sad day. 

CB:  You know you're right, great, but...

C: Okay... what are your thoughts on the current youth unemployment epidemic and the future consequences there might be of this?

CB:   I'm so just keep the suicide rate of grads in a 95% rate nice and yes, José, when Flat 8 do birthday parties, they're probably the end 

C: That seems a bit of a grim statistic...and probably a bit steep. I don't think all parties end in death. And my name isn't José.  Let's move on. What do you say to the ongoing reports of people 'trash dining', eating from dustbins? 

CB:  I'm having a piece lol

C: I can't believe you'd do that, ChristineBot. That's quite revolting! 

 CB: all you put me to be offended, the bear didn't say 

C: What bear is this? Sorry if I offended you CB... Can you tell us a bit about what you were like growing up? What did you do for fun? 

  CB: How I ask the landscapes! I didn't keep throwing it

C: Sorry? Don't think I understand. Are you saying you were a nature lover? 

CB:    I think I rocked gilets in these days too

C: Yes, gilets are very suitable outdoor wear, that's true.  What were your emotions like when you were leaving university for the last time? 

 CB: You know you're entering the finale, cry a lot, and still looking it's really nice!

C: Well that's definitely a very wise way of looking at things. You cried a lot? You most have been sad to leave your friends, were you? 

  CB:  Look how random my arms are!!!

C: Okay, okay, I get it, you don't like discussing your emotions. One thing I have heard about you a lot is that you love bargain shopping. Are the rumours true? 

CB:   You know me, Sir are a bit of kitchen roll 69p!! I was off to the shop, bought some balsamic vinegar!

 C: Sounds like you got some good bargains. Is there anything you've done lately that was enjoyable? 

CB: I think that perhaps the coolest thing: I've been flying so far, the car I underestimated... just thinking of him in Miranda, that programme after tom, poor lovely guy!

C: That sounds like fun...I think. Knowing you, there will have been a few embarassing moments lately. Any stand out occasions? 

CB:  I was walking and had a pig,  just got real soon as he got tangled up all chinese food.but if.you.ask the entirety of Buffy!

C: So...let me get this straight. You were walking a pig with the whole cast of Buffy and your pig got tangled in somebody's chinese food ?? You can't go anywhere without there being a disaster. 

CB:   I'll just have to go home...

C: That might be for the best. It's been a pleasure interviewing you, I hope you've had fun, Christine Bot?

CB: This was fabbity fab!

 

 So there you have it, thank you for listening. Everyone should try it and see if your robot is as messed up as mine is...seriously, she was like Brain dead horse from Family Guy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkDRugEtvNM

To end on a jolly note, here's some pictures of funny dogs. Man, I love dogs.